Inputting hundreds of music listings per week to be featured online and in print in the Observer, I see the occasional band name so bad I question my existence on this earth. Some are funny. Some are vile. Some are embarrassing.
In fact, the idea of having a band name is kind of stupid. You don't round up three or four friends and say, "Whenever we get together, let's call ourselves Space Explosion." Or if you do, you certainly don't expect others to take you seriously.
Nevertheless, some bands (a rare few) do come up with a good, workable band name. The following, however, is a list of some of the worst ones I've seen in recent months.
Poo Live Crew
Every time I see this band listed in some Fort
Worth dive's music calendar, I laugh a little.
3
The only reason this band is on
the list is because of how un-Googleable their name is. How do they
expect anyone to find them on the web? See also: Adair's
Wednesday night house band, Red.
Bone Doggie & The Hickory Street Hellraisers
The
problems with this band name are two-fold. Just having an ampersand in
your band's name puts it dangerously close to being on this list,
but when the number one guy in your band goes by Bone Doggie,
you've got a level-red bad band name on your hands.
Vanilla Face Jones
Trying
to figure this one out. Is it racial commentary or does one of the
band members have a face that tastes like vanilla? It might be a Borat reference that falls flat, especially considering that most of the trio's catalog consist of Beatles covers.
The entire Curtain Club calendar
Reaper
Crew, Lotus Sutra, Psymatix, Noey and The Nastys, Decide Your
Betrayal, Ligma, The Eighth Digit, Slow To The Cause: All bands playing
at The Curtain Club in the next week. Almost forgot to include this gem:
And Jesus Wept. Of all the Bible verses to misquote, they chose the
shortest one.
Graceland Ninjaz
As far as cover bands go, the Ninjaz are actually really good, but not good enough to let a name like that slide.
Whiskey Dick
Why
anyone would want to be associated with such a disappointing occurrence
is beyond me, but the burly Fort Worth duo own it.
Los TexManiacs
It started off well. They
were on the right track for a few letters. What probably happened is
one of the guys was obsessed with working
the word "maniac" into the name.
Old Snack
Great band. Terrible name.
Fat By the Gallon
You'd
think this would be a jam band, but Fat By the Gallon perpetrate
pretty forgettable pop punk under an unforgettably bad moniker.
Wo Fat
Another in a long line of bands referencing Hawaii Five-0.
Fatty Lumpkin
Granted,
Fatty Lumpkin has a singular vision and follows it. They make
really jammy reggae rock. The name, though: Unforgivable.
Pimpadelic
This band name is low hanging fruit. They've been around here for years, but the name is still awful.
Tyrannosorceress
This band name is actually pretty awesome. It could somehow also go on a best band names list.
Jonny Pecker & The Beaver Bustin' Pickle Weasels
This is it. The number one worst band name I've ever heard anywhere.
