We don't think there was any question last week that viewers had some issues with cheftestant Jamie Lauren being allowed to stay on Top Chef All Stars instead of our own Casey Thompson. Turns out we of Chef Tell and Cheap Bastard feel all sorts of the same way. In fact, we say of Casey's dismissal and Jamie's smug face, "We were fine with wrong people getting sent home...now this shit's personal."
So, after trading e-mails involving comments that rival things you might say about bullies who beat up your kids, we ended up with this list of reasons why it is painfully obvious that Jamie should have been sent packing. Like, seriously.
The Unearned 'Tude - Angelo, Marcel, Fabio have it, but they've earned it. Stop smirking.
Even Blais openly hates her -- That's somethin'.
Clams -- Or, rather, her inability to make more than one of them in more than enough time to make more than one of them.
Scallops -- Again? Seriously? "This isn't Top Scallop," said Fabio [insert scallop montage video].
Soups -- This isn't Top Soup. If she makes another soup, City Of Ate will angrily poke her stitched thumb.
She's real small -- That's not really a reason, but I'm sorta jealous. Also, she has prettier hair than me. Note: This was written by Merritt, not Alice, who has incredible self-esteem and never compares herself to TV people.
Her lack of skill in seasoning -- Salty or bland. Bland or salty. Take your pick, because she can't seem to.
They all expected it -- The fact that EVERYONE expected her to go home and they're All Stars who run kitchens so THE ENTIRE CAST can't be entirely incorrect in their assessment of her talent.
The Marcel factor -- Marcel has insulted her for being slow...and didn't preface it by talking about how awesome he was. It was just a straight dis. Very, very rare.
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The loudmouth lament -- You know what we mean. That part post-elimination in the stew room where Jamie did that thing that people who feel guilty do when they keep talking about how it should have been them and they're really surprised but everyone just really wants them to shut up.
Her ever-present lip gloss -- What chef has time for this?! It's always perfect! Other chefs look a little winded, a bit stressed! Not Jamie. Perfectly glossy. Eff that.
Thumbelina -- Thumb cut. Thumb stitches. Thumb BS. Carla, in contrast, wrapped her shit up three times over and kept cooking...like a fucking champ.
There. See? Now, here's how to really send her packing: The next challenge everybody gets
to cook whatever they want...only, no soups or scallops. She'll be screwed.