Dallas' Best Brunch Gut Bombs

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As Americans, our love of brunch has been well documented. The combination of carbohydrates, fats, meats, sweets and eggs is completely intoxicating to us, even before you add in the liquor component. There's nothing better, really. Brunch is what makes Sunday awesome for a lot of us. In fact, you can just go ahead and end the day at 2 p.m., because it can only go downhill from brunch.

But sometimes, a simple side of cheesy grits or an extra short stack just isn't enough for us. We need to take our favorite meal to the next level, and really hate ourselves for a good four or five hours post-brunch. And in Dallas, we have a bevy of options for doing so. Here are the five we regret the most, in a really, really good way.

The Prom Cake at Legal Grounds (pictured above) Imagine an oat pancake the size of your face filled with bananas and topped with a granola-praline topping. It's after your first bite that you wonder if "prom" was a typo. Because "porn" is more like it.

I don't know for sure why they call this thing a prom cake, but I assume it's because I want to give it a corsage, take it dancing and then take advantage of it in the back of a limo. Before taking it home with me, of course. And yeah, I'd make it breakfast the next morning. I'm not some kind of asshole.

The Beer Biscuits at Barbec's

As you're reading this, Yelpers all over East Dallas are squee-ing in their pants at the thought of these bulging, fluffy beer biscuits served smothered in gravy, or beside a plastic bear full of honey. Found inside an old-school diner on Garland Road and often proclaimed "the best biscuits I've ever had in my life," these are pretty effing delicious. Like little beige clouds of awesome from Greasy Spoon Heaven. Greasy Spoon Heaven, coincidentally, is the place where all the honey bears go when they get too sticky. Rest in peace, honey bears.

And even if the rest of the menu is basic diner fare, the biscuits alone will always make your morning. I sincerely hope you don't live too far from Barbec's, because you can expect the carbo-coma to come on strong and soon. Better call a cab, or designate a gluten-free driver, just in case. The poor bastard.

The "RVP" at Max's Wine Dive

The first thing that's important to note here is that Max's Wine Dive serves brunch Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. That's right, I said FRIDAYS. Meaning, you can go to work on a Friday morning, go have brunch at Max's, and go back to work and try to stay awake the rest of the day. OR, you could drink seven too many mimosas and not go back to work. Because oops.

The second thing to note is OMIGOD what is happening here with these pancakes. I'll break it down for you. They're bright red. They are the size of a baby panda. And there are three of them. They're also topped with a lemon-cream cheese frosting. Not whipped cream, and not butter. Frosting. Because these are Red Velvet Pancakes, or "RVP" for short. Which is good to know, because you won't really be able to say much after you finish these, and the paramedics will want to know what you ingested just before collapsing.

The Sticky Bun at Crossroads Diner

Speaking of sweets, Crossroads has a little somethin'-somethin' for those of you with a hankering for something sweet, sticky and sharable, if you're into the whole sharing concept. I'm not. This is $5 of gorgeous, warm caramel sauce atop a cinnamon-laden bready goodness. It has heft. You have to cut it with a knife and fork. This sticky bun will bring you much pleasure, my friends. The only challenge will be to finish whatever else you ordered, not understanding how insane this pastry is, or how impossible it will be not to finish it. Consider yourself warned.

The Monster Cinnamon Roll at Mecca Restaurant

Mecca is a Harry Hines transplant that brought its loyal fans along with it to the new location in Lakewood. One thing you'll see a lot of while you're there is servers delivering steaming hot cinnamon rolls with huge pats of slowly melting butter balanced on top. And they're pretty much the best thing on the menu, in my opinion, as everything else is pretty lackluster. But a closer look at said menu will likely make you do a double take. But you read it right: Mecca's Monster Cinnamon Roll "Feeds 40-50 people" and costs $74.99 and requires advance notice.

I figured it was a joke, until I Googled it and found the image above on Mecca's Facebook page. The Monster is real, people. And it'll make you want to invite 49 of your closest friends over for brunch next weekend. Charge them each a couple of bucks and you'll be able to afford a kegger of coffee to go with it.

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