October is Vegetarian Awareness Month. It's true. Vegetarians do exist, even in Dallas. And not only that, they should be celebrated, if for nothing else than for eating all the world's tofu so you don't have to see it.
Here are a few ways to help make everyone aware of your support for the carnivorously challenged.
1. For the rest of month, try to limit by 14 percent the frequency with which you call vegetarians "damn hippies."
2. Dress up like a vegetarian or vegetable for Halloween.
3. Produce a series of pro-Vegetarian promotional items. For example, "Compared to vegans, vegetarians take the cake." Or, more simply: "Vegetarians: At least they're not vegans." Or, "Vegetarians: Leaving more meat for the rest of us since 1998 (or whenever they were invented.)"
4. Capitalize the word Vegetarian in all written correspondence for the entire month of October.
5. Tell everyone you're sponsoring a Vegetarian for a month. Carry around a wallet-sized photo of said Vegetarian and produce whenever necessary to prove your sponsorship.
6. Collect donations for Vegetarian Awareness Month. Use the acronym "VAM" at all times.
7. Sport a kale-green ribbon or wristband for to show your undying support for VAM.
8. Refer to your dog/cat/spouse/child by a veg-friendly name for the entire month. Examples include: Sprout, Aubergine, Legume, Crucifer.
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9. Change your Facebook photo to that of your favorite vegetable. If you don't have a favorite vegetable, consider getting one. If you don't have Facebook ... how is that? We were thinking about doing it, but then we were like, "Where will I put all my photos" and "Can you even stalk you exes on Google Plus?"
10. Go an entire day eating as a Vegetarian. In fact, that might be a habit you choose to pick up every month. Or even every week. You might discover your new favorite dish is meat-free. Voila! Total Vegetarian Awareness.
Foodbitch is not a Vegetarian. However, she is currently celebrating Vegetarian Awareness Month. If you are a Vegetarian and you see her out and about, high five her and ask to see her wallet-sized pic of Arianna.