Compiling a list of the best metal songs of the Apocalypse nearly drove us insane, especially when the tiny devils swarmed our offices, screaming, "We said Warbeast, assholes!" But we ignored their irritating voices and came up with a list that would make David Letterman's original body turn over in its grave while his clone cackles in the darkness of his rejuvenation machine, pleased that we've finally created a list to appease the Gods of Metal.
X. Pig Destroyer, "Burning Palm" Not only does the sonofabitch want to burn your mind with his lyrics, he also wants to hold your hand while he's leading you through the flame. Book Burner, one of the most critically acclaimed metal albums of 2012, offers a host of songs that make you want to scream "fire!" as Letterman's clone sends his troops into the heartland.
IX. Converge, "All We Love We Leave Behind" Known for their bursts of brilliance, this band from Salem, Massachusetts, has been called "one of the most original and innovative bands to emerge from the punk underground," and we tend to agree. This song bleeds emotion. Letterman's clone cried for hours.
VIII. Dethklok, "I Ejaculate Fire" It wouldn't be a top 10 list without this death metal band pushing the boundaries with a truly metal formula: scantily clad demons and blowjobs. Grueling lyrics, ejaculating pharaohs and skulls send this demonic album up the charts. Dethalbum III needs a warning: "Only hit play if you wish to die today."
VII. Pinkish Black, "Bodies in Tow" Is she a ballerina? Is she a cheerleader? These are just some of the thoughts running through my mind as I slowly bang my head to this Fort Worth duo's unusual black metal groove. Catch the recently signed act this Saturday at Lola's, and get a taste of what might be on the follow-up to this year's self-titled.
VI. Dying Fetus, "Subjected to a Beating" I swear Satan, or a really angry mall Santa Claus, is this band's lead singer. Murder, mayhem, death, choking, spilling guts and screaming all make an appearance on 2012 release Reign Supreme.
V. Goatwhore, "Collapse in Eternal Worth" With a name that defies the meaning of metal, this band defies ideologies, sanity and reason. Lyrics pulled from a witch's diary. This video is sure to put your name on the naughty list this holiday season.
IV. High on Fire, "Romulus and Remus" These bastards are still fighting in my mind. Latest album De Vermis Mysteriis tells the story of Liao, the not-so-infamous twin of Jesus Christ, who sacrifices his life and becomes a posthumous time traveler -- think Doctor Who but not as cool. Talk about hardcore. Now where's the devil? Oh yeah, he's in the music.
III. Grand Magus, "The Hunt" This Swedish metal band not only evokes images of Judas Priest mating with a horrid demonic offspring to create this metal monstrosity that just resounds metal purity, but members JB Christofferson, Fox and Ludde Witt also weave songs that tell stories about medieval lore and death.
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II. Otep, "Fists Fall" Granted, the band released this song last year, but with their new live album, Sounds Like Armageddon, soaring up the charts, I thought I'd time travel and share this song with you.
I. Lamb of God, "Desolation" This band is so metal they almost appeared on this list twice. But I had to be fair to the other bands. If nothing else, buy latest album Resolution, lock the door and prepare to be pulverized. "'Desolation'? Fucking metal as fuck," say two random concert attendees in a recent L.A. Weekly show review. And we couldn't agree more.