Last week on The Real Housewives of Dallas, something happened off-camera that we did not get to see, but once the camera turned back on, Housewife Brandi Redmond let filled us in.


Late at night during the women's ski trip in Beaver Creek, Colorado, it is said Housewives LeeAnne Locken and D'Andra Simmons got "aggressive" as they argued who was the queen of the show. It is an important argument and one many historians will study in decades to come. They will contemplate over a stiff drink about each woman's contributions to reality television until one queen is crowned in her grave.

But we can't wait that long. We want to crown a queen now.

Decided by our scientific ruling, where one serious newsperson sits behind her computer and comes up with a fake scoring system, we will crown a Queen of The Dallas Housewives before you can say, "They're just hands."

LeeAnne Locken was in pageants. +10

D'Andra Simmons was *the* Dallas debutante. +10

LeeAnne Locken's fiancé knew Chris Kyle. +4

D'Andra Simmons's husband is a war photographer. +5

LeeAnne Locken has been on the show since the first season. +1

D'Andra Simmons said in a tweet that she wouldn't participate in a show like this and now she's on it. -2

LeeAnne Locken makes threats. -3

D'Andra Simmons doesn't make threats. +5

LeeAnne Locken got engaged at the State Fair of Texas. +1

D'Andra Simmons made her friends celebrate her wedding anniversary. -1

LeeAnne Locken wants to start a clothing line? +0

D'Andra Simmons has her own skincare line. +4

LeeAnne Locken went to therapy with her mother. +5

D'Andra Simmons should go to therapy with her mother. -4

Wow.

LeeAnne Locken has 18 points.

D'Andra Simmons has 17 points.

LeeAnne Locken is the queen of The Real Housewives of Dallas, we guess. Can't argue science.