Literary Triumph: Seven different people pitch a book on Weezer's Pinkerton to the 33 1/3 series. Yeah, whatever, as long as you leave room for Hysteria and Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em.
TV Party: The tortured "gotcha" syntax of American Idol elimination meetings. The ol' "I'm very sorry to tell you that...you're going to be seeing a lot more of us!" line only works, like, the first 50 times.
This Song Will Change Your Life: Covox's version of "Computer Love" on 8-Bit Operators: A Tribute to the Music of Kraftwerk. If you find a way to hack into my Nintendo so this is playing along to Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, I will never leave the house.
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Album of the Year This Week: Pantha du Prince's This Bliss. Breathtakingly frigid minimal techno, like being brutally shot down by the hottest girl in class and loving her anyway.
Offensive Jargon: Referring to romantic comedies as "rom-coms." Knock it off.
Internet Distraction: Publicly admitting a fondness for that new OK Go video where everything blends into the wallpaper. Considerably more damning than confessing to a triple homicide or porn addiction.
Fashion Nugget: The similarity between that wallpaper and the suit Ornette Coleman wore to the Grammys. Useful if the Red Hot Chili Peppers are stalking you and you wish to escape detection.