Mocking The Draft

Prepare for the most overrated, underwhelming non-event in all of sports. No, not another ho-hum Rangers’ loss. It’s the NFL Draft, also known as the most overdone entity this side of Mel Kiper’s hair helmet. It’s a day when dork draftniks like Kiper and Gil Brandt and Norm Hitzges and some 13-year-old with a MySpace account and a mouse beg you to watch them guess.

Your Cowboys own picks No. 22 and 28. What should they do? One of the picks just has to be a wide receiver, given that Terrell Owens and Terry Glenn are old-ish and no one else on the roster is better than a No. 2. The other pick -- seeing that the secondary has been significantly upgraded with the suspended Pacman Jones -- should be a pass-rusher. But that’s just my guess. And you know what? It’s as good, or as bad, as anybody else’s out there.

Dallas’ Only Daily has the Cowboys taking Cal receiver DeSean Jackson and Kansas cornerback Aqib Talib, while something called Draft Daddy says they’ll pick East Carolina running back Chris Johnson and Arizona cornerback Antoine Cason. If you’re really a dork, you can even learn that some schmoes at Mocking The Draft think Dallas will take Arkansas State safety Tyrell Johnson with the 61st pick.

But again, who knows?

Kiper, ESPN’s supposed guru, in 1989 touted Tony Mandarich over a guy named Troy Aikman. But it’s not just the dumb-ass draftniks. It’s the teams. Blair Thomas was drafted ahead of Emmitt Smith. Rayfield Wright fell to the seventh round. Tom Brady was the 199th player drafted. And your Cowboys? They drafted a Super Bowl MVP (Larry Brown) 320th overall.

And, proving that the process is more silliness than science, Dallas didn’t see the need to draft Tony Romo at all. --Richie Whitt

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Robert Wilonsky
Contact: Robert Wilonsky

Latest Stories