As far as we know, Texas Governor Rick Perry and conservative radio host Sean Hannity are still staunchly opposed to gay marriage. That said, it was impossible to glean that from the way they cooed over one another on Hannity's radio show this afternoon.
Hannity, you see, is planning to flee his native New York, taxes having cut too deep into his $35 million net worth. He's narrowed the list of suitors down to two states, Texas and Florida, which he's having vie for his affections.
Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst is trying to woo Hannity the old-fashioned way, by writing a letter. ("Our state's economic vitality and conservative culture might be a little overwhelming at first after you've spent years dealing with New York's high taxes, oppressive regulations and liberal social values, but I'm certain you'll fit right in.")
Perry was much more forward, calling the radio show from Switzerland ("We had some great meetings today with businesses") to woo the host on air.
"You want to live somewhere where you're appreciated for what you do -- which is create a lot of wealth," Perry cooed. "The governor of New York certainly doesn't appreciate it."
Perry, by contrast, knows exactly how to treat a talk radio host. "Trust me, when you come to Texas you can get rid of that honorary Texan certificate [Perry apparently gave this to Hannity years ago] and just make yourself permanent."
Hannity couldn't hold back any longer. "Governor, I want you to know something: In my radio studio, I have that proclamation you gave me framed, and I look at it, and I see that proclamation every day that you signed, which I'm really proud of.
"You know what? Everybody I've ever met from Texas, I love. I think Texans are the coolest people. I would be humbled and honored if I could become a Texan."
For several minutes, they uttered sweet nothings about Texas' energy boom (Hannity declared himself a "big proponent of energy production"), its tumescent job growth, the evils of taxes and gun regulations.
Before it was time to bid adieu, Perry quoted a Lyle Lovett song: "That's right you're not from Texas/But Texas wants you anyway."
"I can't thank you and your lieutenant governor enough for your kind words and your invitation," he said. "I really, really appreciate feeling wanted."
Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.
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