The Master Cleanser: Day 1

Status: Green

Weight: 171.1

Mood: Optimistic Committed Apprehensive

So, this is it? 2009 rings in and we're left to deal with no Cowboys, medicore Mavericks and a hockey team void of Brenden Morrow, Sean Avery and post-season potential?


I know, let's spice things up a bit. With a pinch of Cayenne pepper. And some lemons. And maple syrup. And, oh yeah, no food for 10 days.

What's that you say?

It's the Master Cleanse, of course.

Hatched by kooky Dr. Stanley Burroughs in 1941, the Master Cleanse is aimed at ridding the human body of superfluous fat, toxins, stress and everything, really. It's designed as a "correction for all disorders." Disorders I got; corrections I need. So for the next 10 days - in theory, at least - I'm going to ingest no food or liquid other than 60 ounces daily of a concoction of lemon juice, maple syrup, Cayenne pepper and filtrated water.

If I can't get rid of Wade Phillips, might as well get rid of some dead weight, right? Ba-DUH-bum.

I'm not searching for eternal enlightment or looking to lose 50 pounds. I'm just a dorky sportswriter who is back from vacation, bloated and bored. I need to get in shape for the tennis season, to run The Rock next December and to fight off the general deterioration that coincides with my halfway-to-90 birthday next summer. Really, I'm just curious. We'll see if I'm committed.

Hey, it did wonders for this hottie. For me, who knows?

I had my "last supper" last night. Jalapeno cheeseburger on whole grain white bread, washed down with a Bloody Mary. Or two. If this goes as planned, a leaner, meaner me won't eat again until breakfast on Jan. 15th.

Cheers! - Richie Whitt

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