Let's start with this premise: Nobody knows nothin'.
Or, better said, nobody knows nothin' different than anybody else. Weatherhumans aren't like sportscasters, who can, on a given night, at least give you a prediction on opposite teams or breaking news in different sports. Weatherhumans on our TVs -- on all TVs -- usually agree other than a few degrees here or there.
It's not like one will predict snow and down the dial you'll get another saying sunny and 86. With all the electronic accu-gizmos and "computer models" these days, it's all one big homogenized yawn. What happened to hunches and gut feelings and "I've seen this before" and trick knees that "act up" ahead of the approaching Blue Norther?
Last weekend I saw most every local station breathlessly talking about a significant winter weather event, only to get a couple inches of snow in my yard. Everybody got it right, but everybody also over-sensationalized the impact.
When it comes to weatherhumans, we're no longer treated to classic greatness like Troy Dungan, Mike Burger, Kristine Kahanek or Harold Taft. Today's weather is all about style, not substance.
So in ranking our top weatherhumans, I took into account not prognostications but rather performance, personality and, yes, pizazz.
10. David Finfrock NBC 5 - Fastidious and persnickety, he's been at this a long time delivering the news in the tone of your high school guidance counselor.
9. Greg Fields ABC 8 - Imagine Devin Harris growing a pencil mustache, donning eyeglasses and passing out the weather.
8. Ron Jackson Fox 4 - With a booming voice and a demonstrative, confident style, he's the Gordon Gekko of local weather.
7. Rebecca Miller CW Ch. 33 - Think a more polite, knowledgeable and robust Nancy Grace.
6. Jennifer Lopez NBC 5 - Looks like every 2nd-grade teacher in Plano. Betcha a nickel she drives an SUV.
5. Larry Mowry CBS 11 - Young, upcoming and trustworthy. Straight outta Weatherman University.
4. Samantha Davies NBC 5 - Petite and precious, she massages the weather as if introducing her grandmother's fine china.
3. Pete Delkus ABC 8 - Personable and hypnotic, almost to the point of appearing televangelistic.
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2. Colleen Coyle ABC 8 - High pressure never felt so sultry. If this gig fails she can always get a role as the hot female detective on any of those CSI: Wherever shows.
1. Fiona Gorostiza Fox 4 - Yowza.