Since I'm drowning in deadline, hirsute Observer Night & Day Editor Noah Bailey is kind enough - bold enough - to stand in. Noah, take it away:
After the Mavs beat Baron Davis' Clippers last week, I couldn't help but reconsider Davis' much-ballyhooed place in the pantheon of NBA beards. A 4-17 record will make people question your manhood, after all.
We only wish we could include more Mavs on this list, but we've yet to see Dirk, Damp, Terry or Barea rocking anything close to these ten entries in NBA beard-dom. Here's hoping one of them will put down the razor and give our new number one a run for his money.
10. Bill Wennington
Comment: A classic '80s specimen of the "Just for Men" beard.
9. Pau Gasol
Comment: Easily the most grizzled beard on this list, we'd move it up a couple spots if he'd agree to wax his moustache conquistador style. Probably grown to offset his lack of an actual chin.
Comment: A paranoid beard, equally at home blocking shots or one of Charlie's grenades.
Comment: Notice how King James' beardlet pales to Stevenson's in this side-by-side comparison.
6. Bill Walton
Comment: A classic of Lincolnian proportions, with extra bonus points awarded for extreme redness.
5. Baron Davis
Comment: A fearsome beard for sure, but a bit too neatly trimmed for our tastes. Still incites fear in the hearts of Mavs fans everywhere, however.
Comment: The last time we saw him, Ilgauskas had shaved, but there's no denying this beastly growth. Be careful or he'll throw you in the wood chipper.
3. Drew Gooden
Comment: Could've been number one if he'd kept his old-school look, but this season's Eurotrash/reggae/octopus mash-up is just ridiculous. A graduate of the Demolition Man school of fashion.
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2. Walt Frazier
Comment: Does this really need an explanation?
Comment: Our new champ, simply for making the Spurs' coach slightly easier to look at over the duration of last night's grueling two overtimes. - Noah Bailey