Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:
*Newy Scruggs is on vacation next week from 105.3 The Fan, which means two things: 1. I'll miss my pawdnuh. 2. At least one of the days I'll be joined by a very special, very familiar mystery guest from whom you haven't heard from in a while. Stay tuned. And commence guessing.
*Wildest Rangers game in a long time last night. Come to think of it, no, just the wildest this week. In the wake of last weekend's win in Seattle that went 0-0 into extra innings, Texas last night led 8-0 and then trailed 12-11 before rallying for a 13-12 victory over the Kansas City Royals. Lot of things have gone awry for the Rangers this season - Chris Davis, Julio Borbon, Jarrod Saltalamacchia, ownership sale - but the one thing they've nailed: Vladimir Guerrero.
*Sorry, Dirk Nowitzki critics. I hear you saying he isn't a special or elite player, but his peers think otherwise - yet again. This time he's voted All-NBA Second Team, meaning he is indeed among the planet's best 10 players.
*Remember my creepy house hauntings? They'rrrrrre baaaaack.
Last night This morning I was yanked awake at 4:17 a.m. by the distinct sound of the door leading to my garage being slammed shut, followed by an eery, continuous rattling against the wall of the piece of iron art hanging over my bed. I dunno, something's up. Swear. I checked the house and the door, which was still locked. Could I dream I heard a loud sound? Sure. But when I awoke, I stood up in my bed and touched the iron piece, which was visibly and audibly vibrating. Needless to say, I didn't go back to bed, much less to sleep. Advice?
*Don't care who or what arrives in return, the Dallas Cowboys ridding themselves of Bobby Carpenter is a roster upgrade and positive step in the right direction. And, by the way, thank you Bill Parcells for that bust of a first-round pick.
*While Mavs fans perfect the art of mourning this summer, owner Mark Cuban is going to chase girls. Cuban's HDNet next week will debut Girls Gone Wild Presents: Search for the Hottest Girl in America. You go ahead with your overly-scripted crime dramas or your karaoke kids, I'm in.
*Pacman Jones signs with the Cincinnati Bengals and I think we all chuckle. Problems aside, while with the Cowboys the dude just couldn't play. He could catch six punts as a parlor trick and he could jive at The Joule, but he couldn't play a lick.
*Betty White is hosting Saturday Night Live this week. I shit you not. If she seemed old on The Golden Girls 20 years ago, it's because she was. These days she's 88. Will SNL ever had an older, jump-the-sharkier host?
*Good news for UFC fans: Brock Lesnar is returning to the
ring octogan. I can count on zero fingers the dudes I personally know that could kick his ass.
*Spurs coach Gregg Popovich after Steve Nash pushed the pace in Phoenix' Game 2 victory: "He ran it right down our throat." As opposed to Jason Kidd and the Dallas Mavericks, who walked right in to San Antonio's trap. The Suns have scored 110 points in both games en route to a 2-0 series lead.
*Once upon a time I had this get-rich-sorta-quick-scheme via online blackjack. My theory - Shawshank, I dubbed it - was that the computer programs these virtual casinos use has to allow for a user victory every once in a while, or else customers would leave and never come back. Even if it was only two winning hands out of 10, I deducted, it was a potential money-maker. How? By doubling. Lose a $1 bet, double to $2, then $4 and so on and so on and so on. At some point during a 10-hand period I'd win, collect a $1 profit from that "series" and start over. Tedious? Yes. Requires patience and time? Yes. Means at some point you'll probably play a hand for $256 or more? Uh-huh. A couple of days, though, I made $100 in a couple hours. Think I'll give that another spin.
*So the horse ridden by the NYC cop who helped diffuse last week's Times Square bomb square was named Miggs. Miggs! As in, Miggs?
*Saw a guy biking in Dallas yesterday. Had the whole get-up: spandex, shoes, shades, helmet. Oh yeah, did I mention he was heading north - on Central Expressway?!
Went on a date Hung out this week with a girl who looked a little like Jewel ... and a lot like Mr. Ed.
*Thoroughly underwhelmed by Ironman, don't think I'll see Ironman 2. I know I won't see Babies, stupid, silent documentary about a bunch of kids in diapers crawling around and being all helpless.
*I don't get Spinal Tap. At all. But I do get these guys. A lot.
*This weekend? Sunday is Mother's Day. Duh. Saturday is high-school reunion day. 28 years and counting. Doh!