Cheap Bastard

Liberty Burger Cuts the Mustard While We Cut in Line

In her never-ending quest to find cheap, non-lethal lunches, Alice "Cheap Bastard" Laussade ventures as far north as Forest Lane, within spitting distance of the 'burbs. She's a fearless bastard too.

See also: *The Cheap Bastard's Ultimate Guide to Eating like a Total Cheap Bastard in Dallas

Mom count: 11 Business lunch count: 2

For months I've heard rumors about Liberty Burger. "You gotta get there early -- the line gets so long." "Best burger in town. I'm telling you." "They. Make. Their. Own. Mustard." "It's all fresh -- they don't freeze that shit." When I arrived at 11:52 a.m., I pulled into the parking lot of Liberty Burger the same time as five other cars full of people. Eye contact was made. We all realized we were headed for the same line. Sonovashit. Engines were immediately killed. Car doors flew open. Even the toddlers were ripping out their earrings like, "Aw hell no! All these people better keep their old-ass hands off my kid's meal. I will cut a bitch."

Two old ladies with Engelbert Humperdinck hair made it through the doors of Liberty Burger ahead of me. Regulars. Loving life, bitching about their grandkids.

Inside Liberty Burger, there's a distinct we-built-this-to-be-a-template-for-a-franchise vibe. And it's totally working. The People of Forest Lane and The Tollway like Liberty Burger. A lot.

The restaurant is sparkly clean inside and every employee is perfectly nice -- I would say that the place lacked personality, but that's not the case. It just has a boring one. Design-wise, this is the Zac Efron of burger restaurants; it's certainly pretty to look at, but there's nothing interesting going on in there. I hoped that the burger would be more kickass than the atmosphere.

I ordered the Chillerno burger, which comes with queso blanco, barbecue sauce and -- for the moment -- flame-roasted Hatch chiles instead of the poblano peppers they usually offer. (Because, I don't know if Central Market told you loudly enough or not, but it's motherboning Hatch chile time, y'all. And for me, that means all Hatch errything. Hatch burger? Absolutely. Hatch chicken nuggets? Sure. Hatch coffee? Sign me up. Hatch Jack and Coke? I'll strongly consider it. Mainly because "Hatch Jack" sounds cool.)

The burger was so covered in queso and barbecue sauce that I couldn't taste anything else. I could see that the burger was cooked pink, as I had ordered it, but it was just completely overpowered by all the sauces. I did enjoy the fries and their Liberty mustard (Mayo, mustard, dill? Angel tears?) quite a bit. It's worth checking out. Just get there early, bring your elbow-throwing game face to get a good spot in the line and take advantage of their "order it any way you want it" menu and order all the sauces on the side.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade