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NOOOOOOOOOO! Crystal's Pizza is Closing

The sparkly sign. I want to buy that sparkly sign right now.
The sparkly sign. I want to buy that sparkly sign right now.
Crystal's Pizza

I heard a rumor that they were closing. Instantly, all the best pizza parties of my youth flashed before my eyes and I said, "Bullshit." It was bad enough when the Crystal's Pizza across the street from Jesuit closed, but the one in Irving was supposed to exist forever. Forever and ever and ever. Infinity times infinity forever. I picked up the phone and called Crystal's Pizza to confirm that this closing shit was bullshit. I got an answering machine. "They're probably busy. Must be lunch rush. At 2:30pm," I thought.

And then, the Facebook page of the Irving location of Crystal's Pizza & Spaghetti confirmed the worst possible news ever: They are definitely actually closing this weekend. Forever.

How can this be possible? In my head, Crystal's looks like this:

NOOOOOOOOOO! Crystal's Pizza is Closing
New Line Cinema

And the games look like this:

NOOOOOOOOOO! Crystal's Pizza is Closing
tailgate365.com

And this:

NOOOOOOOOOO! Crystal's Pizza is Closing
io9.com

When I was a kid, we had countless pizza birthday parties there, because: Screw Chuck E. Cheese. The pizza looked and tasted delicious, like this:

People tell me that the reality of Crystal's Pizza & Spaghetti doesn't match up with my memories of the place from a million years ago. I choose not to believe those assholes. I choose to believe that Crystal's is closing because they're tired of being so awesome all the time. It has finally worn them out.

All I know is, I've just found the perfect Valentine's Day dinner. One-topping pizzas are only six bucks this week, and you get a free side of sadness, broken dreams and musty carpet smell.

Even sadder/more exciting/weirder, they're selling all of the items inside the restaurant. The FB page says, "We won't be auctioning off the items inside but if you do have anything you'd like to buy please email your name, number, a description of what is you want to buy, and your offer for it to susiechungg@gmail.com. Anything is up for sale, the books, picture frames, machines, games, dolls, books, furniture, etc. TELL US YOUR OFFER, WE'LL NEGOTIATE! We will contact you back after next Sunday about the items."

GIMME THAT FRIGGIN' GLITTER SIGN.


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