Ashlee Simpson (you may know her as Jessica Simpson's sister) and her husband Evan Ross (you may know him as Diana Ross' son) have a new docu-series on E! Simpson is from the Dallas area, so as a dedicated Dallas journalist, I began watching the show to see if she ever mentioned growing up in Dallas or Texas or eating tacos or really anything I could write about.
She did mention Texas briefly: "Up until I was 14, I was just a Texas girl, going to church, going to the older kids' high school football games, annoying my sister, doing dance routines in her room," but that's not why we're here. Instead of making everything easy on all of us, Ashlee Nicolle Simpson Ross is trying to make me — us — look like assholes.
Ashlee + Evan is a "docu-series," a word she and Ross mention throughout their press tour — here and here. It's not some produced reality show, like say, The Ashlee Simpson Show. This is a docu-series, the adult version of a reality show. It's shot like a documentary. It's real. It's raw.
But I have one question for you, Ashlee + Evan, if your so-called "docu-series" is so real and raw, then why does Simpson's nail color change DURING scenes?
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During episode one, Simpson is out to eat with Ross gushing about how excited she is that he's finally home from shooting a movie. He reciprocates the excitement by commenting on her navy blue fingernails. It's sweet. The scene ends. In the next scene Simpson is sitting with her friend Lolo, who is drinking wine while it's bright outside. Simpson tells Lolo about her conversation with Ross "last night." Simpson's fingernails are nude. It's not outlandish but our eyebrows did raise a little, considering we've heard Simpson talk about how difficult it is being a working mother with her own docu-series. A quick fingernail color turnaround within hours seems odd, but we'll let it fly.
But during episode two, shit hits the fan and Simpson and Ross are trying to pull one over on us. Simpson's nail color changes within the scene. Within the scene! And that's when it becomes obvious that Simpson is treating me like an asshole.
Simpson and Ross are at home and they are arguing about when to release their music. With white nails, Simpson tells Ross she wants to change her vocals. Then within seconds and now with black nails — in the same exact outfit — she tells Ross, "You can never fucking take that back."
If you think for one moment, Ashlee Nicolle Simpson Ross, that I wouldn't notice your nail-color change, then you've got another thing coming. Please don't parade around the talk show circuit bragging about your docu-series, when you, my friend, are living in a manufactured reality-TV world. I'm hurt because I believed you.