Vanity plates are lame attempts at humor, desperate pleas for attention or a combination of the two, we like to say. If a slick sports car has one, we really like to lay into the driver via our internal monologue. What’s his deal? What is he trying to prove?
But the dirty truth that few of us will ever dare to speak aloud or to push the “Tweet” button on is that we really dig vanity plates. We like things that make us react. We love things that give us something to talk about. We enjoy a small amount of harmless judgment of others, if only just a little bit.
But as many quirky, coded plates as you may see out on the road, that’s only some of the ideas for vanity plates submitted to the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles each year. And as a gift to us all, perhaps as a way to repay us for the lengthy wait times we must endure inside its branches, the DMV releases a list of the personalized license plates that were rejected for the previous year.
The reasons a proposed plate combination may be rejected are numerous, according to the DMV. They range from boring (if one conflicts with a current or proposed pattern featured on other license plates issued by the state) to scandalous (a combination considered to be indecent, vulgar, derogatory). Mentions of race or ethnicity, whether they are derogatory or not, are prohibited, as are combinations that refer to illegal drugs or illegal activities such as gang violence.
This list belongs in the humor aisle of your local bookstore, bound in the finest Corinthian leather. The third entry, for crying out loud, is BTCHN 66. Three spaces below that bitchin’ entry? DS NUTSS. I mean, come on, your favorite comedian’s podcast doesn't hit you with this much gold the moment it starts, does it? It seems that the “deez nuts” joke series is popular with vanity plate applicants, as DYZ*NUTZ also appears among the rejected.
Remember, someone actually took the time to apply for a personalized license plate with these character combos and was ready to slap down a credit card number for the privilege. If that sort of hustle and dedication can’t be admired, what are we even doing here?
In our opinion, ICE QWEN, NFAMOU5 and SINHOE were unjustly denied their state-sanctioned due for owning up to what we are sure are their true selves. In some cases, it’s easy to think applications were submitted via myplates.com in a state of drunkenness or on some sort of dare (DICKHED, FUCKING, ASSEATR and CML*TOE, we are most certainly looking at you).
In our opinion, ICE QWEN, NFAMOU5 and SINHOE were unjustly denied their state-sanctioned due.
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And the hits keep coming. Gross-out humor is on full display throughout the 66-page list that details all 4,909 rejected plate submissions between January and October 2022. Sorry, UR GASSY, SNOTBOM, SHARTED and FARTER, you’ll have to find other ways to make your friends laugh.
Of course, folks with sex on the brain wanted to have it on their license plates as well in 2022, with BJ SCREW, GET NAKY, DGY*STYL and IM CUMIN. Although that last one might just be a foodie reference, we don’t know. The letter Z is also a big player when it comes to rejected combinations, with NUTZZ, KLL-ZMBZ, U FATAZZ and ZLUT representing some creative z-enhanced combinations.
Not all of the plates the state decided to reject are of the profane variety. Some just wanted to pledge allegiance to a favorite music hero, such as BADBUNY, SPICEGL and one that we assume is from a fan of The Weeknd, STARBOY. Marijuana is always a blazing hot topic in Texas news, so it stands to reason that it’s a popular theme among those who wish to get funny with their license plates. Witness BLAZE UP, STONED1 and STONERR wafting throughout this list.
Some Texas vehicle owners seemed to want to identify themselves without nasty names or sarcastic jokes. Simply telling your fellow drivers who you are is pretty much what a vanity plate is for, after all.
We see you, BLC QEEN, PO BOI, OLDMANS, SAD GIRL, DREAMR and TIREMAN. Your submission in 2022 was denied, but we applaud your rather wholesome, vulnerable approach. You are the real personalized license plate heroes. But beware: we probably would’ve still judged you had your request been approved.
