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Flamin' Hot Cheetos Banned From Schools

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Ah yes, Flamin' Hot Cheetos. The snack with its own spicy cult of people with stained fingers and horrible breath is in the cross-hairs of school officials in several states, according to CBS News.

The snack, with a reported one gazillion grams of saturated fat and a shit ton of sodium (amounts are estimated), is also being called "hyperpalatable," a fancy word for highly addictive, creating a similar neurological response in those who eat them to people addicted to drugs.

The popular snack even has its own Facebook page and rap video on YouTube, also touting the badassery of Takis.

Sure, school and health officials are concerned over the nutritional content of Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Sure, they don't want to be seen as the provider of empty calories and unpronounceable chemicals. But I suspect they really don't want to be responsible for the most unspeakable of Flamin' Hot fallout: red poop.YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

CBS News has also reported that the snack's high content of red dye has sent many children and their panicked parents to ER thinking their Cheeto eating machine is experiencing a horrifying gastrointestinal hemorrhage. Nope, just too many Flamin' Hot Cheetos. That'll be $500, Mrs. Lady.

Frito-Lay had this to say:

"[We are] committed to responsible and ethical marketing practices, which includes not marketing our products to children ages 12 and under. We also do not decide which snacks are available on school campuses and do not sell snack products directly to schools."

So far, California, New Mexico and Illinois are all on the banning bandwagon. No word on Texas yet, but that might be a battle all its own. I know some kids (and adults) whose bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos would need to be pried from their cold, red fingers.

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