4

I Fucking Love Bacon

^
Keep Dallas Observer Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Dallas and help keep the future of Dallas Observer free.

Dearest Bacon,

I love you. You put the B in BLT. You put the "bacon" in bacon burger. You put the "with bacon" in macaroni and cheese topped with bacon. You taste like yes. And for this, I heart you. Remember that time I said, "No, thank you. I don't want bacon on that"? No, of course you don't remember that, and it's not because you're forgetful, it's because I would never say some bullshit like that. Because I love you.

I know I'm not the only one who loves you -- you're pretty popular these days. It's cool that you're in milkshakes now.

And I see that you're regularly doing the nasty with some doughnuts in town.

I heard you've even got a line of candles and a perfume. And at this point, every-fucking-one has put you on a hot dog or in a cookie.

I'm so proud of your current popularity that I'm going to get you a flower arrangement made out of you. Unless that would piss you off because you don't like to eat bacon because it's you. Oh, crap, Bacon. What if you don't like bacon, Bacon?! Bacon. Seriously. Please do not tell me right now that you don't like the taste of bacon. That would be fucked up.

I love you so much, Bacon. Thank you for being bacon.

Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.

 

Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.