Milkshake Maniac is Scary. No, It's Funny. No, It's Scary.

When we found the Milkshake Maniac series on YouTube, we were interested, then afraid, then interested, then afraid again. We had to know more about this dude from Plano who wears an "I Heart MS" shirt and makes extended-dance-cut "oh"-faces at the camera. So, we asked him some questions.

First, here is the first episode of Milkshake Maniac. Drink it in.

Dearest Mr. Milkshake Maniac, We couldn't help but notice that your name is Tad Fieri. And, since you're all yelly and exclaim-y about food, plus you drive a car on your show, plus your hair is lame, we have to ask: Any relation to The Guy Fieri?

Guilty as charged, BAY-BAY!! My Uncle Guy has been my uncle my whole life. He's taught me everything I know about milkshakes. And haircuts.

How does it feel to be related to the most beloved TV personality in the history of all the entire universes?

ARE Y'ALL CRAZY?? It's SWEET! Being a Fieri is like being a Freemason. I have this cursive 'F' tattooed on my scalp that I show to get discounts on everything--food, gold jewelry, Supercuts. Not sunscreen, though.

Being The Big Guy's nephew, I feel like the heat is on to be a big daddy, polished super-host. I can't deny that he's been a big inspiration to me. And fortunately for me, he's given me some ICE COLD advice on how to make a world class food travel show.

He's helped out in other ways, too. Like, he gave me his son Craig's Powermac G4 to edit the show (even though there was a four month delay after it caught on fire when I was animating a dancing milkshake). When it comes to being up to speed, technology ain't my hyperspace! Ya know what I'm sayin?

Are you concerned about getting into a serious car accident while talking to the camera and driving?

Concerned?? HA, NO WAY. A few years back, I took a stunt driving course for a PE credit at University of Nevada LV. Jim "The Carburetor" Cole was an amazing teacher, showed me the tricks of the TIRE. Those SMOOTH MOVES really come in handy on the streets of LA. I'm the only guy within a 500-mile radius that can crash his car into a Sears while drinking a milkshake unfazed, CAPICHE??

I probably should be more cautious. I don't have car insurance because I spend so much money on insulin shots for my diabetic cat, Pop Coulson. That fur-boy LOOOOOVES a good milkshake.

Has your show been picked up by the Food Network yet? Or The CW?

I've been talking to a Mountain Valley Spring Water delivery driver. The Food Network office is on his route. I told him, "Look bro-yo, I'll buy 12 jugs of the clear stuff if you can get the mailroom clerk over there to score me a meeting." I've already done my part of the deal, so now I'm just waiting for his call. I'm crossing my fingers, toes... and everything in between!

Have you ever had weird milkshake barf?

DOY! When the Shamrock Shake HIT THE STREETS this year, I visited Mickey D's hoping to do a review. But when I drank one, I didn't get the RUSH I get from WORLD CLASS, premolicious milkshakes. So I drank another, and another. Three hours later, I'm wandering down Hollywood Blvd., screaming at French tourists. I saw a sign for one of those psychics and walked in. Once I actually sat down at the table across from her, all the milk and whip cream had a chance to settle in my stomach. I rushed outside and puked all over her front porch. It was kinda glowing like radioactive turtle ooze. When I lost consciousness, the last thing I saw was Uncle O'Grimacey. He was laughing at me.

Is there any food that you wouldn't want milkshaked?

The Luby's Cafeteria tilapia. Hey, I'm all for 1920s gangsters telling rats "you'll be sleeping with the fishes," but I'm not for telling fish "you'll be sleeping with the milkshakes, baby."

But seriously, I would never, never, ever milkshake a milkshake. If you were to do that, you'd have a shake². No human being can handle shake to the second power. Its contents are so pure that it threatens to tear the very fabric of the space-time continuum. And if that happens, we're gonna have a reeaaaaal sticky situation on our hands.

Tad Fieri is obviously fictional character, Guy Fieri's Lawyers. MILKSHAKE MANIAC is a parody and shares no affiliation with existing persons or properties. Follow Milkshake Maniac on Twitter to see his perpetual retweets of LeVar Burton's status.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade