The Oscars Happened! Jesus and Many Moms Were There, Looking Un-mom-like
Ellen radiates loveliness in a lovely pantsuit dress.
Last night, the Oscars happened. The set had tons of Oscars condoms blown up like balloons in the background. Epic. And lots of people watched as Oscars were given to the movies that were the most Oscar-y for being super Oscar-y. But more important: WOMEN IN DRESSES. There were boobie dresses, pregnant dresses, pantsuit dresses -- every dress was there.
Some male celebrities like to bring their moms as their dates to the Oscars. That is very nice. Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill brought their hot-ass moms.
Pharrell also brought his mom. She made those shorts for him.
Jesus brought his flowing son-o'-God locks, his brother and his mom. Because Jesus gets as many plus-ones as he wants, y'all.
Anne Hathaway stole the Reflektor Man's face for her dress. And then she smirked about it all night.
Reflektor Man was not available for comment, as he has NO FACE NOW.
Reflektor Man would say he's kind of annoyed, if his face hadn't been deconstructed just for Anne Hathaway's pleasure.
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Performance of the night had to be from that unknown talent, Adele Tazee, though. I don't know why Idina Menzel wasn't able to show up for her performance, but the chick that John Travolta's toupee and facelift introduced was ON POINT.
Meanwhile, Kate Hudson sports a giant Oscars boner.
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