Dallas, we're proud of you for calling cabs on New Year's Eve, because I've got to say: this city got blacked-out drunk. We had no business attempting to stand for prolonged periods, much less driving.
Since we don't remember much of the night, it occurred to us that the cabbies would need to fill in the blanks. And since items left behind seems like a solid measuring rod for an evening's success, we asked our local booze chariots how reckless we were, exactly.
It turns out that Dallas was downright responsible this year. Don't be alarmed: Local experts say this isn't indicative of personal growth or maturation. They blame the weather.
A representative from Alamo Cab thinks the cold was the at fault. When the weather is as bitter and wet as it was on Monday, he says, people stay bundled up -- they don't relax and drop things on the floorboard. On warmer New Year's Eves he's seen a much better harvest. "People have left behind whips, chains, even -- ahem -- inflatable items," he assures.
This sentiment was shared across town, with each representative sounding despondent about 2012's crop of cast-offs. "One year a guy left behind an entire paper grocery bag of pornography," promised a Cowboy Cab dispatcher.
Nobody called to claim it.
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It's business as usual at Yellow Cab, where backpacks, cell phones, coats, gloves and iPads are still trickling into the mainframe's lost and found. The shift manager was surprised that stranger things haven't been announced from the night, but they won't have a complete inventory until Friday, he says.
He's mostly underwhelmed because sober people leave bizarre things constantly. Just last week his phone rang for a very disturbing emergency item retrieval. "He was so panicked about the bag in the back seat," notes the Yellow Cab employee. "Then he said, You don't understand, my handgun is in it."
The fella, it turns out, was a local Dallas law enforcement official and he left his job-issued handgun in the back of the rented ride. Dispatch immediately haulted the vehicle and reunited the officer with his weapon.
So if you lost your keys or gloves, take solace knowing that it could have been much, much worse.