The eighth episode of this season of The Bachelor aired last night, which for every season means the chosen Bachelor visits his remaining ladies’ hometowns, which means he probably meets an over-protective father and possibly too-drunk-for-TV mother.
Last night was no different. The ladies paraded Bachelor Ben around their hometowns. We saw what all the cities had to offer. We saw food trucks in Portland! We saw a high school campus in Hudson, Ohio! We saw the beach in Orange County! And in Dallas we saw the inside of an apartment building!
Yeah, for whatever reason, absolutely none of Dallas was featured during JoJo Fletcher’s hometown date. No Katy Trail. No Reunion Tower. No JFK museum. No porn convention. Nothing. Just JoJo’s chic apartment and her parents’ equally-as-chic house.
However, from the beginning of the date, we knew it was going to be special regardless. As our sweet Dallas girl JoJo was walking up to her apartment door, she found a dozen roses and a love note. So sweet, you’re thinking quietly to yourself. Bachelor Ben really is a gentleman who kept all those leftover rose ceremony roses to give to our dear, sweet JoJo.
EXCEPT PLOT TWIST.
The roses and love note were not from Bachelor Ben. They were from JoJo’s ex-boyfriend, salon owner Chad Rookstool of Chad Rookstool Salon.
This pissed JoJo off because all she was trying to do was find love the old-fashioned Southern way by going on national TV and having America and God watch her make out with a man in a mansion. But Chad had to ruin it. Chad. Chad, we thought. What a disgusting person. Ugh. Even the sound of his name.
BUT WAIT. PLOT TWIST.
According to Reality Steve, who knows more than God probably, JoJo and ex-bf Chad were good enough friends for Chad to doggie-sit JoJo’s doggie while she was off doing the Lord’s work, competing on TV for an eligible suitor.
Well, well, well.
JoJo sorts through the mess by calling ex-Chad and telling him it’s officially o-v-e-r between the two of them. The entire conversation feels natural and completely not forced by the Bachelor producers. Once Bachelor Ben arrives at JoJo’s bachelorette pad, she fills him in and he nods his head because he’s understanding and a robot.
They make out and everything is fine until it’s time to head to JoJo’s family’s house, which has to be the biggest house in all of North Texas. Wow, everything really is bigger in Texas, millions of non-Texans thought to themselves last night.
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We meet JoJo’s mother, father, sister and two brothers, and WAIT. PLOT TWIST. One brother, Ben Patton, appeared on NBC’s Ready for Love, another reality dating show, so this has to be some kind of sick joke all around.
Bachelor Ben meets the family and has one-on-one talks with almost every family member. The two brothers grill him because Bachelor Ben and JoJo have only officially been on two dates together, so imagine those deep wedding vows.
Then shit gets really real because the brothers tell JoJo that Bachelor Ben isn’t as into her as she is into him. They know this because of Man Intuition and Brotherly Love and because drama is fun. JoJo is visibly upset and leaves at some point, probably to cry in the bathroom or to text her ex-boyfriend. The brothers then begin hounding Bachelor Ben with accusations about how he has brainwashed the women and how he has rehearsed answers. If you want to stop everything right now and take a big swig of alcohol, you’re not alone BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT JOJO’S MOTHER DID. In the background, we see JoJo’s mother in her natural habitat, taking a swig of Champagne straight from the actual Champagne bottle because watching your sons interrogate your possible soon-to-be-if-he-doesn’t-choose-the-other-women son-in-law is tough for any mother. God bless JoJo’s mother, wherever she is (whatever bar she's at right now).
JoJo got the rose, meaning she’ll endure the Fantasy Suite, meaning she’s one week closer to winning Bachelor Ben forever, meaning maybe Dallas will eventually get its big TV moment.