Festivals

Here's What Not to Pack for Rocklahoma 2013, Which Features Korn and Guns N' Roses

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See also: -50 Don'ts For Your ACL Festival Weekend -Five WTF Examples of Marketing at SXSW -The 100 Best Texas Songs: The Complete List

Falcon: Other then the required sundry of clothing and the like you might need to prepare yourself for the wilds of metal fans getting worked into a frenzy for three straight days. Precautions should be taken. I suggest you buy a can of mace. Maybe a road flare for when the weather turns on us and we're having to find our way through the dust. I'm seriously thinking we need walkie-talkies.

Cleaver: But I'm a large man, Jaime. What do I need mace for?

Falcon: Because there are larger men in the world. Also, mace might help with crowd control. I mean if the dead were ever going to rise from their graves, it would be while we're in a tent in the middle of Oklahoma.

Cleaver: I wasn't worried before. I think I am now.

Falcon: Let's be honest, this whole thing is a joke that massively backfired on us.

Cleaver: I believe this was your idea, and thus I hold you as my financial guarantor for the weekend.

Falcon: Furthermore, we're about to spend three days in the heat among crowds and I don't wear shorts. I might have a heat stroke by Saturday morning.

Cleaver: Why ... why don't you wear shorts?

Falcon: I wear them when playing basketball, but only then. Anyway, back to what we're taking with us.

Cleaver: No, I'm pushing forward with this. Do you have terrifying knees? A shinbone that juts out?

Falcon: I don't wear shorts because I mostly wear boots, and men cannot pull that look off.

Cleaver: Have you considered flip-flops? They're the choice of the man who's in touch with his sensitive side.

Falcon: I'm pretty sure not even Jennifer Lawrence could get me to wear flip-flops.

Cleaver: There's going to be some serious flip-flop action this weekend, Jaime. You're going to be intimately familiar with my toes. That's exactly as terrifying as it sounds.

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Gavin Cleaver and Jaime-Paul Falcon