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Are You More of a Malibu or a Nitro? A Blaze Maybe? Zap, Gotta Be.

NBC would like our help -- and, yes, we would totally cancel Journeyman (pilot's terrible) and The Biggest Loser, the latter of which eats up a whole 90 minutes of prime-time real estate every Tuesday night, Jesusgod. But apparently it's not that kind of help: A rep from the network shot Unfair Park an e-mail wondering if we might tout Saturday's auditions for the network's relaunching of American Gladiators, new episodes of which haven't aired for 11 years. And we said, Sure.

Local tryouts take place Saturday, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., at the Arlington Courts, a "volleyball and sports facility" on E. Mayfield Road. You're advised to "come dressed in workout attire," which is unfortunate, as I was considering wearing this, and to bring a towel and water. Alas, you will be tested for "strength, speed, balance and agility," which DQs most of Unfair Park, by which I mean, all of Unfair Park -- though Schutze is said to excel at the "Atlasphere." We do have one question: Did NBC pick Arlington because of this? Probably not, but still. Need more info, ask these people. --Robert Wilonsky

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