Alternative, um, Entertainment

The Weirdest Postcard I've Ever Received

The only thing that could make this any more creepyweirdfunny is if it was hand-delivered by a cleaveage-baring dragon wearing a Jim Kern jersey whilst talking in a sing-songy Australian accent.

I get some crazy stuff. Nothing beats this one. In my mailbox at the Dallas Observer yesterday I got a postcard.

Initial reaction: "Kewl."

Post-examination reaction: "What the WHAT?!"

And I quote ...

Mr. Whitt ,       11-19-09 (circled, in purple)

Re: Rumortorium? (boxed, highlighted with purple horizontal shading and vertical stripes)

Ia) If (shaded in blue) the Dallas Cowboys sort of cross-pollinate (underlined in blue) Calvin ["#35- Counselor"] Hill within Jerry's organization, What puzzles me is that the Craig Mortons & Larry Coles (underlined, in purple) aren't given the opportunity of keeping up with the Joneses -; put #14 & #63 (bedazzled/bolded in purple) into the Cowboys' Sing-of-Fawner (underlined, purple).

   b.)Cornell Green, ditto!.George Andre? (underlined, purple)

II. Does Babe Laufenberg (underlined, purple) also, hmm, remind you of....Scooby-Doo ?(shaded, baby blue)

III. If the Rangers Were to bring back ^dentist Clint Herzog's pa, Whitey (underlined, purple), as, say, "Stop-Gap Emeritus"...then maybe["Jerry Lewis-lookalike"]Rudy Jaramillo's pending departure won't be so vacated-vacuumlike?"Promote"Gaylord be here.

But wait, there's more ...

No name. No nothing. There's a Dallas postmark on the card, which originated in 2000 in San Francisco.

Oh, yeah, the postcard itself? Glad you asked.

It's a West Highland White Terrier. What else would it be, silly?

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Richie Whitt
Contact: Richie Whitt