People in other, more normal cities bought each other cool gifts like Beats headphones and men's Uggs for Christmas. Popular toys and games in the rest of America were Legos, Cards Against Humanity and the Xbox, all fine choices. But in Dallas, for some reason, there appears to have been an enormous number of Ouija board purchases.
This was not part of a national trend. We are the only city with the words "Ouija board" listed under our name in a special New York Times story about the most popular gift-related Google searches in major U.S. cities.
Ouija boards are not the kind of gift that encourages kids to go outside or think too hard. They're also not trendy or practical. They typically come out just a few times a year, when Little Timmy is allowed to have a sleepover. The kids ask the board an important question like "Who is gay?", and then the asshole kid secretly starts moving the piece around while the naive kids stare in awe at the board's magic powers.
The Times' story doesn't explain why Ouija boards were searched for so much in Dallas. Our other two top gifts listed in the story are jogger pants and Michael Kors watches, which sounds about right. People in jogger pants and Michael Kors watches are easy to spot in Dallas. They're also easy to spot in Los Angeles, where they are also listed as two of the city's most-searched gifts. But Los Angeles isn't Googling Ouija boards the way Dallas is. Who are you people buying so many Ouija Boards?
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Ouija board purchasers, please come forward in the comments section below, introduce yourself, explain who you purchased the Ouija board for and why the recipient asked for it.
And then tell us: Is Grandma in heaven? Will the Cowboys win the Super Bowl?
And who is gay?
Send your story tips to the author, Amy Silverstein.