Cheap Bastard

Off The Bone Barbeque is a Total Sausagefest.

I originally heard about Off The Bone Barbeque because of its baby back ribs, but I'm anti-baby-eating, so I opted for the smoked sausage sandwich (for $5.75) and a side of coleslaw ($1.75) with an A&W root beer ($1.25).

Recently, Off The Bone closed in its patio and it's even air-conditioned. The restaurant is very proud to have this indoor seating now, but it was too pretty for downtown hobo-watching to eat lunch indoors, so I found a spot at one of the few outdoor tables. After a couple of rounds of Business Lady or Lady Hooker? lunch was served. (Note to my cheapos: At lunch, OTB doesn't technically have waitresses, they're just nice and run the food out to the table, so you won't be expected to leave a tip for service.)

The smoked sausage sandwich was an entire link of what tasted to me to be homemade sausage (the casings were thicker than the crap at Dickey's, the meat was more tender, juicier, really delicious) atop two small wheat dinner rolls and drenched in sauce. I immediately The Rock eyebrowed the dinner rolls and was kinda pissed that I wasn't getting a real bun, but the meat coma helped me get over that. These sausage-slider thingies were served with sweet pickles and onions. The sweet pickles were all right, but I was expecting dill pickles, so my brain was confused. Off The Bone totally Chris Gaines'ed me, switching out my dill pickles for sweet pickles and messing with a good thing for absolutely no reason (Oh, whatever. Don't judge me for appreciating the musical stylings of Garth Brooks. Checkered shirt plus thunder rolling plus lighting striking? You know that dude was awesome as fuck).

The coleslaw had chunks of blue cheese and bacon in it. Lots of bacon. This was amazing, and you're a total tool if you come here and don't order this.

And hey, speaking of tools, OTB's built in the middle of a parking lot, old-school-Vern's-Place-style, so all you pussies with obsessed-level fears of parallel parking downtown can just cool your "I hate going downtown because there's never any parking!" bitching. Fret not, ye shitty parkers: There are plenty of spots in this lot to accommodate your Yukon.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade