In seven days, just as nature intended, Pizza Hut is set to release a pizza that has 28 mini hot dogs as the crust. Over on Pizza Hut’s Facebook page, the latest post reads:
“It's real. Hot Dog Bites Pizza is coming to America. 6.18.15,”
It's as if Pizza Hut itself is still in need of convincing. It’s real. And it's OK Pizza Hut. Everything's going to be OK. We see it, and we hear you.
There really are 28 hot dogs around the crust, lined up like a battalion in defense of a terrifying pizza. There really is a pretzel option, and there really is dip-able shock yellow mustard, too. It is all real. They really are trying to boost sales with it, says Bloomberg. It also looks like it will be very heavy, like a couple of Academy Awards on a mantle. Personally, I applaud Pizza Hut for nailing the vision of my exact childhood food fantasy (just in time for the new Jurassic Park?). Ten-year-old All of Us is thoroughly excited that hot dogs can be torn off from the pizza turret and thrown across the room like live grenades. Who the hell doesn’t want a never-ending kolache wheel around a pizza?
It also opens up a new, wonderful door: Instead of stuffing a crust with one food, why not stuff it with a ready-to-serve entrée? How about enchiladas as a crust, clam chowder in a bread bowl crust, three meat barbecue platter crust, Thanksgiving dinner crust, or baked camembert with moules marinieres crust? If planned properly, you can even encase your family in bread and bake them straight into the pizza. Family dinner crust!
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I'm going to eat this, aren't I?