Once a month or so, we invite a new lucky soul to attempt to conquer The Box. Their challenge: To create something awesome out of whatever ingredients are in the box. It's like Chopped plus Punk'd, only less terrible. This month, Trailercakes attempts to save Katy Perry and Russell Brand's failing marriage.
Trailercakes' challenge: Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced. Fix it. With cupcakes. Create two cupcakes (one for Katy Perry and one for Russell Brand) that are so freaking amazing that these two will see fireworks in each other's naughty bits once again. Everything in the box had to be used, but adding extra ingredients, (like flour, sugar and whatever crack cocaine usually goes into the base of one of those mind-blowing Trailercakes cupcakes) was fine.
Actual apples Dr Pepper Ten Beef Jerky Red Vines Combos (pretzel and cheese) Pop Tarts (frosted strawberry) Ring Pops Starburst Nerds (Rainbow) Kool-Aid (Tropical Fruit) 3/4 bottle Honey Jack Daniel's (I was thirsty)
When I dropped off the box with (poor, unsuspecting) Amanda Garrison, pastry chef at Trailercakes, her eyeballs went all, "Are you fucking kidding me with this Pop Tarts and beef jerky shit?" Almost made me feel bad. Almost.
Two days later, as I opened the door to the Trailercakes commercial kitchen, angels were high-fiving, unicorns were chest-bumping and my eyeballs went, "Are you fucking kidding me with all this beautiful cupcake action? How are you making me want to eat the shit out of some Pop Tart Red Vines and Dr Pepper Beef Jerky Combos?" It was unbelievable.
Here's some more specific detail about what you're lookin' at from Leora Azoulay Lesh (Chief Cake Officer), Heather Zidell (Chief Frosting Officer), Amanda Garrison (pastry chef) and Matt Smith (helper/worker bee):
The Katy Perry: White chocolate cake, colored pink with Kool-Aid, with Nerds sprinkled in (Funfetti-style), all atop a strawberry Pop Tart crust. Icing: Melted Red Vines mixed with strawberry buttercream icing, rolled in crushed Ring Pop. Molded Starburst on top into lips and a cherry, then shoved an additional Ring Pop in the top, because who doesn't want that?
This cupcake goes to 11. It tasted like Strawberry Shortcake making out with Nerds. It was sweet -- but it wasn't sweet overload. And with four different candies in it, plus a Pop Tart and Kool-Aid, I'm not exactly sure how that was possible. It was fantastic. I want 20 more.
The Russell Brand: Beef Jerky/Dr Pepper Ten chocolate cake atop a Combos pretzel crust. Icing: Honey Jack Daniels and maple buttercream icing, with microplaned Combos cheese and beef jerky dust. Caramel apple made with pink lady apples, salted caramel and candied pecans.
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Fact: Russell Brand tastes like microplaned Combos. I know Dr Pepper Ten isn't for women, but it's damn yummy paired with beef jerky and chocolate in this cupcake. And freezing the inner cheese from Combos and microplaning it over the top with beef jerky is so wrong it's right. This cupcake was bitchin'.
And then they added a caramel apple to the top for no reason other than to say, "Oh, yeah, this challenge wasn't complicated enough, so instead of just mashing the apple up and adding it to our cake, we made some candy from scratch, even added some ingredients of our own, since you didn't put candied pecans in the box -- no big deal." Freaking talented assholes.
Congrats on defeating The Box, Trailercakes. If Katy and Russell don't get back together, it's not because of your cupcakes. (I'm sure it will be the fault of Katy Perry's angry boobs or Russell Brand's angry hair.) If you don't add these to your already-full-of-glorious-cupcake-action menu, I will cry a thousand cries. Thanks for bringing the words "melted Red Vines" into my life.