Cheap Bastard

Williams Chicken, For When You Want it Fast and Done Right

If there's one thing you can get fast in Dallas, it's food (if there are two things, they're food and meth. Three? Food, meth and laser hair removal). And when it comes to fast food, boy, have we got options.

Me: Hey Dallas, I know this is a crazy question, and I'm just throwing this out there, but do we really need to have two Sonics on Forest within, like, three blocks of each other?

Dallas: We totes do, bra.

Me: Dallas, you are such a fuckin' douche.

Dallas: That's what she said. Heh. Meet you at Ghostbar lates?

Me: (shoots Dallas in face)

As you approach Forest and Abrams, there are more fast food restaurants than there are giant teeth in Miley Cyrus' honkin' grill. Dallas is trying its hardest to get you to sell out at lunchtime, offering every chain meal deal you can think of. And then, in the middle of it all, there's Williams Chicken. Located right next door to a Church's Chicken as if to say, "Yeah, I would be scared to be situated right next to another tasty-ass chicken place—lucky for me that shit you serve is naaasty." Williams Chicken is calling out all you other fast food restaurant bitches, "Hold me back, Whataburger. Hold me back. You know I'll cut a bitch." Now's when I hold Williams Chicken's earrings and rings so she can whoop National Fast Food Chain's lardy ass.

I got a Coke, two good-sized pieces of dark meat, coleslaw (three cheers for big chunky pieces that look like they were made fresh and hand-cut), corn fritters (little fried cornballs. Uh, yum), a dinner roll and a giant jalapeño all for a little more than five bucks. Added bonus, Williams Chicken is smart: They know the only cash I ever carry is the see-a-penny-pick-it-up kind, so unlike a lot of local mom-and-pop drive-throughs, they take plastic.

I wouldn't say that it was the best fried chicken I've had in Dallas (Henderson's and Big Mama's out-taste this for sure), but it was nice and juicy and fresh, and the pieces were way bigger than the ones you get from KFC—plus you don't have to go to a damned KFC (the white suit thing is too 1990s-coke-dealer for me).

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade

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