Beastie Boys: If That Rap Thing Doesn't Pan Out, Maybe They Can Do a Food Network Show
The first concert I went to without a parent was the Beastie Boys, Licensed to Ill, at the Summit in Houston, circa 1986. I was 11 and my brother was 16. We had floor seats, and I remember it being a crazy show. Afterward, we walked to a hotel across the street to use a pay phone to call our ride and while waiting in the lobby, MCA walked past us. It was awesome. He glanced our way and I wanted to tell him I hit a home run in a softball game, but the moment passed too quickly. I think we almost had this really intimate connection though.
I mention this fascinating story because yesterday the Beastie Boys released their eighth album, Hot Sauce Committee Part 2. (Part 1 never came out due to MCA's throat cancer diagnosis.) And, as usual, there is a barrage of food references in their lyrics -- Eggos, coffee and wine are mentioned within the first 45 seconds of the first single off the album. They must have amazing metabolisms. And yet, I've read that Mike D is vegan and MCA and Ad Rock are both vegetarians (but they won't confirm that with me; the restraining order hasn't expired yet).
Regardless, paying homage to old-school rappers that still "kick it" and a joint fondness for comestibles, below are my top 10 Beastie Boys food and beverage lyrics. I realize there is a hint of randomness to this list, but it's a slow news week, so why not?
(To my cousin Andy: When I asked you for some ideas on BBoy food references, I honestly never thought you'd type out 86 lines. Even more so since you accidentally deleted them the first time, then rewrote the entire thing. That's some freaky hijiki. Thanks!)
1. "Super Disco Breaking" Sometimes I like to brag, Sometimes I'm soft spoken, When I'm in Holland I eat the pannenkoeken.
2. "Professor Booty" You've got the boomin' system, But it's blasting out doo-doo, You think it's chocolate milk, But it's watered down Yoo-Hoo.
3. "The Blue Nun" The intro: "Our evening began in Peter Scharro's comfortable study In his New York townhouse where the candle light was just right The Hi-Fi was in the background and the wine was delicious What's the secret, Peter? Naturally, I'll say it's the wine Mmm, it does go well with the chicken, delicious again, Peter."
4. "Finger Lickin' Good" I'll be in the paper the news with Ernie Ernesto, They'll even print my recipe for pasta with pesto, now here's another special of the day, I've got more spice then the Frugal Gourmet.
5. "Body Movin'" Like a bottle of Chateau Neuf Du Pape, I'm like fine wine when I start to rap.
6. "Paul Revere" Mike D grabbed the money MCA snatched the gold, I grabbed two girlies and a beer that's cold.
7. "The Move" I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, But I'm intercontinental when I eat French toast.
8. "So What'cha Want" I'm as cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce, You've got the rhyme and reason but no cause.
9. "B-Boys Makin' with the Freak-Freak" Well, if it's gonna be that kind of party, I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes.
10. "Three MC's and one DJ" Sweet and sour like a tangerine, fresh like a box of Krispy Kremes.
Well, Beastie nation, don't be shy -- share your favorites in the comments section below.
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