Because No One Knows Cool Like Forbes

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Dude. Forbes. Did you really just begin a sentence with, "'Cool' is defined by Merriam-Webster's dictionary as ..."

Look, we're thrilled that a publication we've actually heard of has given Dallas big props for a change, but there's a lot going on with this one that has us scratching our heads, and that's ignoring the fact that the list is called "America's Coolest Cities to Live," as if some really fly places through the United States were awaiting imminent animation.

Five Texas cities rank in the top 20 ... of which Austin is "least cool"? Houston takes home the highest honor ... in the entire nation? "Cool" being empirically definable? First impression: That shit cray.

Further explained, Forbes' reasoning isn't the most absurd we've ever heard. The decision was based on alleged statistical data quantifying things like entertainment options; restaurants/bars (excluding chains); recreational opportunities, including green space; cultural composition and diversity; job growth; cost of living; net migration; and age. Based on their scale, Dallas ranks fourth due to the following:

Metro Division: Dallas-Plano-Irving, TX

Arts & Culture Index: 95

Recreation Index: 86

Diversity Index: 73.7

Number of Local Eats: 7,689

Median Age: 33.5

Unemployment: 6.9%

2011 Net Migration: 45,870 people

According to the article, while traditionally "cool" cities like NYC, San Francisco and L.A. still maintain high levels of the aforementioned good stuffs, burgeoning cities with affordable living costs and strong economies are pulling in young professionals and artists like nobody's business. And if yuppies are cool, then Dallas' $35,000 millionaires are like Elvis banged Paul Newman and gave birth to Jay-Z.

So we're all thinking the same thing, right? If this list were to be taken seriously, it logically follows that Texas is -- officially and unimpeachable -- the "coolest" state. Fort Worth made the list, for crying out loud. But that's not like it's news to us. Ironically stated or not, that shit's on lock.

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