Politics

Things Overheard at the QAnon Rally for the Return of JFK Jr.

QAnon conspiracy theorists gathered in Dallas on Tuesday to see a ghost.
QAnon conspiracy theorists gathered in Dallas on Tuesday to see a ghost. Patrick Daxenbichler/Getty
The QAnon crowd is a gift that keeps on giving to unintentional comedy. They give and give and give and never ask for anything in return, except to be taken seriously.

On Tuesday, hundreds of conspiracy theorists gathered at AT&T Discovery Plaza because of a rumored celebrity appearance. Nope, not the Stones, who were in town for a concert, but the late John F. Kennedy Jr.

But wait, there's more.

The crowd believed that Kennedy, who died in a plane crash 22 years ago and who was the son of the former president, (and incidentally, a Democrat) would reappear to announce that former President Donald Trump actually won the last presidential election.
They also believed that JFK Jr. would make this post-mortem appearance in the very city where his own father was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in 1963. But hey, it's better to be known as the "City of Stupid" than "City of Hate."


Photos of the crowds went viral on Tuesday as social media accounts around the world laughed its ass off.

Because perhaps of poor weather, another theory floating about the crowd was that the late First Son would make an appearance at the Tuesday night Stones show at the Cotton Bowl.

Here are some things we believe were also overheard at the rally:

• "I forget. John F. Kennedy or JFK Jr. — which one is the son?"


• "No kidding! I live in Frisco, too!" "Me, too!" "Me, also!" "Wow, me as well!" "Can I get a ride back there?"

• "COVID-19 (cough) was a (cough, cough) hoax created by the government (cough cough cough) to undermine Donald (cough, hacking of phlegm) Trump's presidency (cough, wheeze)!"

• "There's no way this could be wrong or that it's ironic that we're meeting at a place named after AT&T, a company known for creating garbled and misunderstood communication."

• "Get it? DISCOVERY Plaza? Go the Plaza and you'll DISCOVER the truth. It's like that time I harassed that pollster and she tipped me off that I'd find the truth about the last election in HELL, Michigan."

• "I wouldn't say that I do my own research. It's more of a gut feeling I have. You know, where all the crap is stored."

• "I haven't seen this many unmasked white people in one enclosed space since Kid Rock's last concert."

• "It all makes sense. Where was JFK Jr. shot? Dealey PLAZA. Where will he reappear? Discovery PLAZA. Where did Kevin McAlister stay in Home Alone 2? The PLAZA Hotel. And who did he see when he first went there? DONALD TRUMP. There's your proof."
KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Danny Gallagher has been a regular contributor to the Dallas Observer since 2014. He has also written features, essays and stories for MTV, the Chicago Tribune, Maxim, Cracked, Mental_Floss, The Week, CNET and The Onion AV Club.