Commentary

The Eight Bands Most in Need of a Senior Citizen Ticket Discount

So the Rolling Stones have announced their first large tour in 6 years, and their "50 And Counting" jaunt will see them stop in nine cities across North America. This is borderline amazing considering that Keith Richards and Mick Jagger are 69 and CHARLIE WATTS IS 71 FREAKING YEARS OLD. Can you imagine playing rock music and partying non-stop for 50 years? Do you realize what that would do to your very appearance? You could try imagining this, or you could just look at a picture of Keith Richards. On second thoughts, don't do it. There's no need.

The prices for the tour are expected to be astronomical, what with prices for their short 2012 stint averaging around $530. To steal a joke from British comic Viz, you could get much the same effect as attending one of the concerts by watching your grandfather play guitar from three miles away while burning your life savings.

The fact is that many of their fans have reached retirement and are living on a fixed income, so we think that there needs to be a some sort of Senior Discount. In fact we've noticed many other legendary bands are touring and charging prices that would make a billionaire blush, despite the law of diminishing returns and the problems inherent in trying to "rock out" when you're reliant on medication, oxygen, and narcotics, not necessarily in that order. Here are eight other acts that need to take immediate steps to cater for their older fanbase.

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Gavin Cleaver and Jaime-Paul Falcon