Juan Ponce de Leon got some bad information. The Fountain of Youth isn't in Florida, as the 16th-century Spanish conquistador eventually figured out. It's actually a thousand miles to the west in an otherwise unremarkable Preston Center storefront, conveniently sandwiched between the Park Cities and Preston Hollow.
That's where the Dallas Anti-Aging Institute has been operating for the past couple of years. It inherited the space from the Pain Control Institute after its owner, a 53-year-old named Zach Tallon, discovered "bioidentical hormone therapy," a vaguely described but apparently miraculous set of treatments that helped him lose weight, gain muscle, and boost his flagging libido.
We won't dwell on puzzling out how the treatment is supposed to work. Instead, we'll turn our attention to what the clinic is describing as a "medical breakthrough." It's called the Priapus Shot®, and it supposedly makes your dick bigger. The clinic dispatched a press release about it on Friday.
"The science is there,"Dallas Anti-Aging Institute medical director, Dr. Robert Newberry, says in a press release. "And the increase we're seeing in penis length and girth is immediate and dramatic."
Case in point, a man identified only as Hal from Plano, who gushed about the Priapus Shot®. "This is the greatest thing I've seen. My measurements before the shot were 6.0" in length when erect and 4.5" circumference. In a matter of weeks after the shot they were 7.0" in length erect, and 5.6" circumference. As far as sexual performance goes, the sensitivity has completely changed and the erections are much stronger and last several times longer."
But to understand the full, almost revolutionary power of the treatment, we turn to Dr. Charles Runnels, the Alabama physician who developed it. And lest you think he's some charlatan peddling some over-hyped miracle cure as a way of preying on customer's insecurities, he insists in an open-letter on the Priapus Shot® website that his motives are pure. Just like they were when he developed and patented the O-Shot® (as in orgasm) for women.
Have you ever seen a woman cry because she loved her husband, never wanted to leave him, but found him totally inadequate in bed?
I have-many times.
Have you ever spoken to a man with a 3 inch erection-who at the age of 20 had never been on a date because he's embarassed about the size of his penis?
I have-more than once.
Have you ever seen a couple split so that the husband and wife now live in separate houses and the children "visit" the Father on the weekends-and it happened because the sex didn't work well?
So, have I.
After 20 years of taking care of patients with sexual problems, I can testify that "Sexual dysfunction causes major psychological and social problems." That's what the journal of the American Medical Association published in 2009-and it's true.
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Inspiration struck several years back as he was performing cosmetic procedures to sculpt the face. "[I]t occurred to me that it would be wonderful to do the same thing for the penis," he writes. "If you can inject the mouth to give it a larger shape then why should you not be able to do the same thing with the penis?"
Indeed. All a patient needs is a quick shot and BAM -- rock hard monster cock. Just read the anonymous testimonials Runnels provides on his website:
The lover of a man I treated actually said to him, "This feels like I'm having sex with my hard plastic dildo!" He reported that she came back the next day for quick sex and just to play with her new toy-his penis.
Another patient wrote to me in a text, "One inch longer in girth and length and concrete!"
So, there are two question men have to ask themselves. One is whether any of this is worth having a needle jabbed into an organ that probably should never be breached by a sharp object. The other is why you would ever trust said organ to this guy: