Nope, sorry, Mark, but it ain't gonna happen. And, yeah, the official announcement was only this morning on Good Morning America, but already a Dallas-based marketing firm has compiled a study -- no kidding, a freakin' study -- measuring "a celebrity’s influence among consumers." And after determining that the show's previous winners all ranked high in "appeal," "aspiration," "influence" and "trendsetter" attributes,The Marketing Arm has determined that the next winner of Dancing With The Stars will not be the Mavs' owner. Nope, says the report, "Following previous analytic trends, we predict that Gisele Bundchen will prevail as the Fall 2007 Dancing With The Stars champion." It's not too late to claim hip problems, ya know. --Robert Wilonsky
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