Eat This

And The Winner Is...

Promotions and public relations people must have read somewhere that we store up the stuff they send in to give away--one day, maybe--as prizes, because the flow of non-perishable goodies dwindled to a trickle this week.

The perishable stuff goes to our receptionist.

So as usual, we have nothing to give to those who dedicate part of the day tacking sometimes clever comments to our sometimes clever stories.

What can we say? You just can't win. And here's a rundown of this week's non-winners:

We'll start with Kelly, who marks the changing seasons with a trail of empty beer bottles: "I am just about porter'd and stout'd out after 3-4 months of non-stop dark stuff."

Campisi's drew support and ire this week, thanks for some reason to a test of pizza at Grimaldi's and Coal Vines. Since ire makes for better reading, we selected a couple commnets. From our old buddy TG: "Campisi's: never got it. Canned toppings, cardboard crust, blech." and from

TLS: "Did Campisi's become one of your favorites before or after you were shot in the head? I'm thinking after."

There were several one-line thoughts that stood out this week. For example, luniz took exception to the idea of pairing wine with a Mexican breakfast, saying "the only drink huevos ranchero should be paired with is coffee you weirdo."

We like the comment because it's been awhile since we've been called wierdos.

Worzel Gummidge passed along this handy equation: "soft serve ice cream = white pus. Free = too expensive." Then djs decided to play the PC card when referring to Zero bars: "i am just plain offended. the "white" snickers. arent they for everyone?"

And Brent D. posed a question to Dude Food: "I don't know where to start... $10 turkey sandwich...doesn't that turn a 'dude' to a 'bitch'?"

As far as drawn out, fully-cocked, state of the food union concerns went, the biggest non-winner was johan, who wrote: "Why must Hershey acquire the rights to all candy bars we loved as kids and ruin them? Your post made me want to run out and see if Zero bar still had it's white chocolate-lightening magic that I remember from my youth. But now that the Zero is following the Hershey product fail pattern, all tricked up with fake chocolate and corn syrup, I'm not going to bother. Some things are best left to memory --- like my beloved obscure Seven-up bar, a weird candy that was not related to the soft drink, but came with seven separate nougat fillings ensconced in chocolate. Oh, it was beautiful. And it's long out of production. May Hershey let that candy bar rest in peace."

We give another nod to luniz for grammar--and for reasoning: "white chocolate is terrible and white chocolate candy bars are even terribler. it brings to mind butter flavored wax that sat in the same room as chocolate."

Once again, however, there were two stand out non-winners. Brent D. showed Daily Show-worthy cleverness with this: "And if Atkins, Simmons and a raw foodist had an orgy while feasting on Scarsdale the off-spring would be Pritikin."

The biggest non-winner, though, was bruce, who said: "I'm not a fan of white chocolate. Where I come from, chocolate is dark, Santa is white, and Jesus is middle eastern."

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Dave Faries
Contact: Dave Faries