Cheap Bastard is all about the sausage calzone at Primo Brothers Pizza and Pasta.

I've had Primo Brothers' big-ass pizza delivered to my house, but I had never gone over to the actual restaurant to check out their lunch specials. Until today.

They're in the same strip mall as the dance studio where I get my crump on, so after my weekly hip-hop-video-style arms throwing class, I walked down to Primo Brothers, intending to grab a slice.

But as soon as I walked in the door, one of their calzones totally hit on me.


Primo Brothers Pizza and Pasta

Primo Brothers Pizza and Pasta 9310 Forest Lane 214-341-4414 Number of free Diet Dr Pepper refills I got: 3 Times I kicked myself for not having had lunch here before: 2

Calzone: (head nod) What up.

Me: (blush, look around the restaurant) Oh, are you talking to me?

Calzone: (head nod) What up. I'm made of sausage.

Me: Let's do this.

I ordered the sausage calzone special. It was like something straight outta Serendipity. John Cusack even came around the corner and gave me a serious talk about this fated calzone meeting. He was very furrowed about it. They've also got a nice by-the-slice pizza special (slice, salad and drink) for $4.95. But I was vibin' with the 'zone. My $9.95 got me a date with a sausage calzone—two-servings huge. It was stuffed with spicy sausage and cheese with a crust that was hard to cut with a knife, but perfect once you took a bite. It had that kinda-crunchy-outside-soft-inside thing mastered. It came with marinara, a salad (bigger than I thought it'd be, which is what she said) and a drink (three cheers and a sideways butt-bump for having Diet Dr Pepper on tap!).

The restaurant wasn't too busy when I was there. Which is to say that I was the only one there. By the time I finished my meal, a couple people had come into the place and that was reassuring, but being pretty much alone in that place during "lunch rush" was a little awkward. We're talking 12:30 p.m. Just me sitting there making cricket noises. (Which I do all the time, but is much creepier when nobody else is in the room talking.) Don't know if it's a location issue or if they're just more of a dinner destination or if there were a bunch of mob dudes sitting in a secret room in the back munching on stromboli and discussing which Real Housewife of Atlanta they'd bang, but the issue is most certainly not the food. Shit was delicious. Calzone it up.

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