There are some lazy sumbitches out there.
There are some lazy sumbitches out there.

Jack Daniel's Whiskey & Cola: Sucks

Last time I was mixing myself a Jack & Coke, I was so frustrated with the difficulty of the task. I mean, you have find a glass, open a can of Coke aaand a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey all by yourself. Then you have to pour all that in a glass? With ice?! "There has to be a better way!"

Jack Daniel's heard my cries and recently released a new product in U.S. markets: Jack Daniels Whiskey & Cola. It's just Jack & Coke already mixed up and bottled for you. It's also 5 percent ABV.

And it sucks.

The taste is fine, if you ignore the aluminum aftertaste, the fact that the proportion of alcohol to cola is exactly what a bartender would serve you at Chili's and the obvious point that no one in recorded history has ever claimed that a Jack & Coke is delicious. Functional? Of course. Delicious?

Not really. I actually thought I liked Jack & Coke until I had it in a bottle without ice. Turns out, I just like ice.

And even if you completely disagree with me up until this point, I know I've got you on my side when I say the worst thing about Jack Daniel's Whiskey & Cola is that the bottles it comes in are not twist-off tops. You have to have a bottle opener to get to your booze every time you want a new one. What the fuck? Why did we have to go and get bottle openers involved in the making of a Jack & Coke? In an attempt to make this beverage easier for your consumers to consume, Jack, you've actually made it more difficult. Next time, maybe have the meetings with your packaging team before booze-thirty.

If you want to drink Jack & Coke from a bottle, I recommend you simply do this: Drink Jack, then Coke, straight from their bottles. It's what we've all done for centuries.

Follow City of Ate on Twitter: @cityofate.


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