Playboy Plans Out Your Evening In Dallas (But Gets It All Wrong)

Everyone loves a good excuse to visit Playboy's website while at work. This one is even legitimate. The magazine recently published a Never Sleep: Dallas guide prescribing the perfect Saturday night. In the name of work, I thought I'd take the guide apart one recommendation at a time to see how Playboy did.

When you're done checking out the guide make sure to close your browser. You're at work, after all. Ignore those banners, too. Oh, and clean out your cookies while you're at it.

To the picks!

5:45 p.m.: Ring in happy hour on a patio Cedars Social Cedars Social is a recent addition to Dallas' nightlife and a darling of the cocktail community. On my single visit I found the cocktails uneven and the service lethargic. I'd have hated the place if the decor wasn't so cool. Happy hour though? I think this is better suited for drinks later in the evening.

8 p.m.: Nick and Sam's for a "beautifully charred 10-ounce filet" Wait, what? Filet? You need a skirt to go with that steak, Playboy? I thought this was a magazine for men. I'll take the rib-eye, or perhaps a New York strip. But everyone knows that filets are steaks for people who don't like steak.

10:30 p.m.: Marquee Grill serves an outstanding old-school manhattan. Slip one in before you hit... Hit what? You, for ordering a filet? I'll take that Manhattan but I like mine with a capital M. Actually keep your sissy drink with its sissy cherry. Make mine a Sazerac.

11:30 P.M.: Teddy's Room... members of Bravo's Most Eligible Dallas have been known to manufacture their drama here. Which is exactly why you shouldn't go there.

1:45 A.M.: Snookie's Bar & Grill for chicken friend steak with gravy and bottomless iced tea It's obvious there's a reality television obsession going on here. I can't argue with a restaurant that boasts chicken-fried steak served till 2 a.m. but you can keep your iced tea. Snookie's boasts a full bar. Who drinks iced tea after two hours of trying to make conservation with these people?

3:15 a.m.: Jaguars, a nudie joint where dancers slip their duds back on after hours

Huh? I like my nudity naked. Besides, you had me start drinking at 5:45, and by now I'm completely hammered. I'm going to bed.

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