The Universal Food Shame Scale

Damn. Eating that freezer burrito made you feel like an awful human being. But, exactly how awful? Wish there was a way to know exactly how much shame you should feel when you eat a horrible, awful food? Wish. Effing. Granted.

Above is our very helpful, very scientific Universal Food Shame Scale:

In order to further confirm the Universal Food Shame Scale's rightness, we thought we should consult a few chefs and other serious food experts in town. Here are their contributions:


Daniel Vaughn (Also known as @BBQsnob, or That Dude Who Knows Everything About Texas Barbecue No Seriously He Knows Everything Even Anthony Bourdain Thinks So)

1. IBP beef. I know that feed-lot steer could have had a better life, but it's sure tasty when it's smoked.

2. Saucy chopped beef and jalapeno sausage sandwich from Mac's with fries and beans. Now dip the fries in the bean juice.

3. Anything I hide from my Instagram feed.

4. A whole tube of BBQ flavored Pringles.

5. Ojos de vaca.

6. Cow eyes ('cause they sound cooler in Spanish at #5).

7. Salt Lick.

8. Salads without meat on them.

9. I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back.

10. Oatmeal from La Madeleine. I felt so dirty afterwards that I drove straight to Kuby's for a smoked pork chop from the meat counter. I ate it with my bare hands as I sat in the Snider Plaza parking lot. There were concerned onlookers. Take that, Oatmeal.

Next: Jeffrey Hobbs, José Ralat-Maldonado, Chad Houser and Jeana Johnson

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade