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Conan Steals Big Tex's Boots and Catapults Steak During His First Night in Dallas

Let me give you five excuses for why you didn't watch Conan last night: You didn't care. Your toddler finally let you get some sleep. You're a bartender at one of the few local watering holes without a television. You hate funny gingers. Or maybe you didn't know he's filming in Dallas this week. OK, that last one isn't valid because here you are, on this blog, where for over a month we've written story upon story about the late night residency in downtown's Majestic Theatre.

Don't worry. He's here through Thursday and we've compiled the best clips of the night right here on The Mixmaster.

He packed his monologue with predictable jokes about Texas. His big hair fits in here, we love Whataburger, etc. etc. Then in a huge, strange gesture he wheeled Big Tex's boots on stage because the State Fair of Texas mascot himself was too large for the theater. The recurring theme of the night? He's Conan; he's a celebrity; he does whatever the hell he wants.

If he wants to be a Texas Deputy for the day, he'll head out to Johnson County and do just that.

He wants to be a Texas citizen? Well, shucks, we should let him right? In what was arguably the best bit of the night, Dirk Nowitzki gives Conan a bogus Texas citizenship test.

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You know those huge slabs of meat at Amarillo's Big Texan Steak Ranch? Conan wants to catapult them across a full basketball court for a three point shot. So, by god, he does.

Adam Sandler and Tig Notaro were there too, with plenty of jokes. Tonight at 10 p.m. CST, he's back with special guests Seth Rogen and Phillip Phillips.

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