Andrew Bayer is a real sassy bitch. Well, in fairness, he’s a lot of things. He’s a fashion stylist, a seamstress, a re-worker of vintage things, an entrepreneur times two or three, an aspiring photographer, a professional pose striker and basically one of the most interesting people to spend an afternoon with. What makes him so interesting? Glad you asked. Here’s a list.
- Poses – When Bayer gets his picture taken there are no smiles. Just a high fashion challenge to an imaginary staring contest.
- Dog Sweaters – Andrew’s dog Gwen has a ridiculous collection. Mostly because she gets Andrew’s accidents. “Say what now?” Well, what had happened was Andrew bought a sweater, wore it, washed it, shrunk it and then re-stitched it to fit Gwen’s classy ass.
- Going Out Knife – Andrew owns one and also invented it. What is it? A decorative knife that you wear when you’re going out. MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
- Pussy on a Pedestal – He said this once. We heard it. It’s fascinating.
- Scarves on a Ceiling (Ceiling Scarves) – Andrew and a friend hung a light fixture in the living room. When they couldn’t get it flush with the ceiling Andrew used a colorful scarf to cover the gap. Gay. MacGyver.
- Vacation Fund – This is a clothing line Bayer co-created with Chris McKinnon. Bonus Interesting – The URL is vacationfund.money.
- His Quotes Which Are Also Vacation Fund Shirts – “Dreams are for sleep and poor people” and “Infinite eyeroll.”
- House of Dang – When Bayer was 21 he opened a vintage clothing store with fellow stylist and current friend, Doug Voisin. Twenty. One. What were you doing? Jagerbombs.
- Carpet Square Collage – Bayer is endlessly creative. He took a bunch of leftover carpet samples and turned them into a wall installation that totally works. Suck a butt, Pinterest.
Art and Photographs
Bayer has a lot of art from a lot of friends. Two of his favorites are a photograph by Mindy Byrd from her sadness project and an intricately painted piece from Wilhelmina Adams-Hartsell. Both local. Both slightly more talented than whatever famous artist you’re thinking of.
Man Wall of Men
It’s exactly what you think ... just a big ol’ wall of men, not much more to say about it, except for the fact that it also contains a portrait of Bayer painted by a 13-year-old girl. She started a clothing line. He styled it. She said “thanks” in paint. In side-hustle news, Bayer plans on creating his own series of male portraits captured with a mix of real camera and Polaroid. He would then like to turn them into a gallery show because what else is he going to do? Make a scrapbook?
Bayer’s brother and occasional collaborator is a set designer. He made this giraffe and “they were just going to put it out back for the kids.” Bayer calmly explained, “Oh no you’re not. That’s stupid.” Then he basically Noah’s Ark-ed it and rescued the wooden animal one by one.
Other People’s Achievements
Bayer collects the awards of others. He has an equestrian trophy, several ribbons and tons of other acknowledgments. He prefers the fruits of other people’s labor because that way he doesn’t have to do any of the work.
Andrew saw this little nugget posted on the Dolly Python Instagram and had to have it so now he does. If there’s something you want, you, too, can follow the patented Bayer three-step system. 1. Want something. 2. Have dollars. 3. Get that thing.