Film and TV

Food Network Is Looking For The Next Star And It Could Be, But Probably Won't Be, You

Calling everyone who has ever won a chili cook-off and made a joke while doing it!

The Food Network is casting for season 12 of Food Network Star, a reality show that searches for a cook or chef or someone with even just a small pinch of personality, and then rewards the winner with his or her own show. You know Guy Fieri, don't you? Do you think he was just dropped from Adorable Chefs Heaven? Or do you think he earned his way to the top by appearing, dominating and winning a show called Food Network Star? He paved the way for slackers like you.

This is the perfect opportunity for you — yes, you. We know you go home every day after work and cook your mediocre stir fry while winking at an invisible camera and consistently annoying your roommate by explaining what's in your secret stir-fry sauce. You are convinced you have so much personality and your Aunt Becky complimented your brownies one time, so now you are Food Network's next superstar. We get it. We all get it.

"We are looking for those with a captivating personality who believe they’re at the top of the culinary game and want to inspire a Food Network audience through their passion for food and cooking," reads an excerpt from the casting call. Does this sound like you? Do you have passion for your macaroni and cheese? Has a date ever called you captivating?

The casting call is 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. Saturday at the Westin Dallas Park Central (12720 Merit Drive), and please don't embarrass us, Dallas.

If you can't make it to the actual physical casting call because you are too busy perfecting a hot sauce you cleverly named "This Ain't Your Mama's Hot Sauce," which you swear you're going to start selling at the State Fair, then submit your application online. Be sure to be fun and personable in the application, otherwise you won't have a chance to show off your subtle and flirty winks.

Good luck, you little Guy Fieris.

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Paige Skinner has written for the Dallas Observer since 2014.
Contact: Paige Skinner