Stormy Daniels' Revealing Performance at Bucks Wild Transports Us to an Alternate Dimension

Stormy Daniels signs a fan's T-shirt.
Stormy Daniels signs a fan's T-shirt. courtesy Daniella Martinez
It's official. We're in one of the strangest and most contentious points in the history of our great democracy.

A group of beered-up guys and a smattering of women who kept their clothes on shared the same room with a naked woman on Saturday whom we've been told has also been naked in a room with our president outside the sanctity of their respective marriages.

Adult film star Stormy Daniels (real name Stefanie Clifford) made a stop at the Bucks Wild gentlemen's club in Dallas as part of her Make America Horny Again strip club tour. The tour was inspired by the spotlight she's been thrust in (no pun intended — this will probably happen a lot) after her alleged affair with President Donald Trump during first lady Melania Trump's pregnancy became national news.

The spotlight grew wider when news surfaced that Trump attorney Michael Cohen allegedly tried to hush it up by paying her $130,000 just 12 days before the 2016 presidential election, a payment for which Trump never reimbursed Cohen.

Apparently the agreement Daniels signed was never properly notarized, leaving a window of opportunity open for Daniels to tell the world the dirty truth about all the things most of us wished we weren't so curious to learn about.

Daniels went on 60 Minutes and got everything off her chest (no pun intended) to Anderson Cooper about the whole affair, with her attorney Michael Avenatti joining her. Daniels alleged in the interview that someone from the Trump camp threatened her and her infant daughter in the parking lot of a Las Vegas gym to keep quiet about it. Then special counsel Robert Mueller got curious and started to probe Cohen (no pun intended) by getting the FBI to raid his residences and workplaces.

The most famous mistress of our time — who lives just outside of town in a spacious mansion in Forney — made a stop Saturday at Bucks Wild, a gentlemen's club behind a string of business parks and liquor stores.

Daniels couldn't be reached for an interview. Daniels' show was scheduled for 9 p.m., but the star of 150 adult films such as The Witches of Breastwick, Trailer Trash Nurses 6 and Dripping Wet Sex 4 (not to mention Behind the Scenes of 'Dripping Wet Sex') did not appear in the club for two hours, providing plenty of time to soak in the ambiance.

The front door security detail conducted thorough rub-downs of everyone who entered the club, ordering guests to empty their pockets and purses and face away so they could conduct full-body frisks. No one was allowed to take any pictures in the club. Of course, that didn't stop some, who were swarmed by security.

The scene looked just like any other Saturday night at a strip club before Daniels strutted out on the main stage. The general-admission area near the bar and the cheetah-skin-upholstered private dance booths were filled with more balding dudes in ball caps and cases of Bud Light than a Kid Rock video.

"We were just looking for a place to go. We didn't even know she was gonna be here tonight." – Tony

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Bucks Wild is one of the higher-end nudie bars that my, uh, friends have described. The theater-in-the-round-style venue is draped with red velvet curtains as attractive women with names like Athena, Asia and April in various stages of undress saunter about the place. The gothic metal railings are adorned with red, white and blue balloons in honor of our official MOTUS (mistress of the United States).

"We were just looking for a place to go," Tony says, referring to a friend who didn't seem comfortable sharing his name. "We didn't even know she was gonna be here tonight."

Two hours and $10 worth of Diet Coke later, Daniels' official emcee and hype man takes the stage to announce the reason the place is crowded with guys in "Make America Nude Again."

Daniels struts out with suited bodyguards in front and behind her at all times. She takes to the main stage to the sound of "American Woman" in a patriotic sequin dress. The crowd has a few women who don't work for the club, and Daniels makes sure to give them some of her undivided attention as they squeal over their momentary brush with celebrity.

The winners of the most unaware irony are the two guys sitting on the side of the stage in the "Make America Great Again" hats. Daniels notices them just as the DJ begins to play Tom Petty's "American Girl" (picking up a pattern here?) and gives them a few extra moments of attention.

A nice couple named Kelly and Oscar who are waiting for their valet to bring the car around sum up the evening perfectly.

"We came for the spectacle of it all," she says. "None of it is normal. Hopefully, she will be the key to [Trump's] undoing, and we can say we were there."
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Danny Gallagher has been a regular contributor to the Dallas Observer since 2014. He has also written features, essays and stories for MTV, the Chicago Tribune, Maxim, Cracked, Mental_Floss, The Week, CNET and The Onion AV Club.