We Tried Jack Harlow's New KFC Meal, and It Sure As Hell Ain't First Class

Just think about this: Humanity has gone from the Age of Reason to the Era of the Celebrity Meal. You would think that after coming to be enlightened a few centuries ago, we would've ended up in a better spot, but no; naming fast food combo meals after celebrities is what we got.

Celebrity meals are becoming a popular ploy among fast food chains such as McDonald's, Dunkin and Popeye's. They are so close to replacing combo numbers that it won't be long until we're asking someone through a speaker to give us a Charlie Sheen meal with a side of Katherine Heigl and a large Danny DeVito.

There's no difference in the taste. These companies are just throwing money at the wrong part of the problem by so obviously playing into social media trends to make already substandard food seem more exciting and flashier than it could ever hope to be on its own. It's not just a burger, it's Zoë Kravitz's burger!

The only one so far that has made even a modicum of sense is the Jack Harlow Meal at Kentucky Fried Chicken. It's named for the pop rapper who's from (wait for it) Kentucky. Even if there's an obvious connection, it doesn't change the taste of the food. It's not "POPPIN" by any sense of the capitalized word.

We ordered one to check it out. The meal consists of a KFC spicy chicken sandwich, a modest order of fries, a side dish of macaroni and cheese and a medium lemonade. It's supposed to come with a cup of ranch dipping sauce but someone behind the counter didn't put it in our bag, which is a shame because it's the only thing that differentiates this meal from anything else in the menu. It's listed on the drive-thru menu so it's assumed it was supposed to come with it.

Oh, and it's named after Jack Harlow. Those are the only two differences.

KFC always tasted blander to me compared to other fast food fried chicken. The company can brag all day about its 11 herbs and spices, but I can barely taste one of them. To hide this fact, the sandwich is smothered in a spicy remoulade-esque sauce, which is how fast food places classify the difference between a chicken sandwich and a spicy chicken sandwich.

The sauce tastes like an overreach for its brand chicken patty. It borders on the kind of hot sauce you'd  only eat if it'll get your picture on the restaurant's wall. It's supposed to enhance the taste but all it does it assault your senses long after you've eaten it. That's a great feeling if you're trying to produce a top 10 hit and you've run out of drugs. It's not so great for your digestive tract.

When Harlow performed "I Wanna See Some Ass" he clearly meant to add "stuck for an hour on the toilet."

The fries carton claims they have a "secret recipe." Here's the secret: They're probably frozen. One of the worst mistakes KFC ever made was getting rid of its potato skinned fries. The ones that took its place on the menu are bland, flavorless and boring as hell. Why would anyone put their name on that? Even Colonel Sanders would want his name taken off the menu.

The macaroni and cheese is just a step above Kraft macaroni and cheese and is fine if you're too lazy to boil some water during a mac and cheese craving. They're still soft as hell and tastes like the nacho cheese that comes with the tortilla chips at the movies.

The lemonade was the only bright spot of the whole thing, mostly because it washed the taste of the meal right out of my mouth. Even if it's not freshly squeezed lemonade, at least it has a palatable flavor.

The worst part had nothing to do with the food. It took three tries to find a KFC that was still in operation on my mobile phone. In order to get the only one that's open, you have to go past much better restaurants, fast food or otherwise. All the ride does is remind you that you could be eating something better, something that doesn't require a pop star's name to make it sound more appealing.