Hard Knocks: Week 4

Admit it, "Barbie Carpenter" made you giggle.
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The five best moments from last night’s Hard Knocks: Week 4. Or did I miss something?

5. Receiver Patrick Crayton arriving late for a team meeting wearing only a towel. Anyone who remembers last season’s playoff loss to the Giants wasn’t surprised by him making another illogical move.

4. When Tony Romo’s father, Ramiro, arrives for practice he tells coach Wade Phillips about an encounter with former dictator Bill Parcells. “I didn’t get twenty feet inside that door and his eyeballs were sticking right on top of me.” Counters Phillips, “Yeah, he’s …” Of course Phillips didn’t finish his thought – at least for HBO’s cameras – because, as this episode exemplified, he’s a big ol’ softie. Between tearing up at Gene Upshaw’s passing and fining linebacker Anthony Spencer for missing training-room treatment in a way grandma “scolds” her favorite cat, the pillowy Phillips is proving he’s miscast for "Hard" Knocks.

3. Owner Jerry Jones touring his new Jonestown Coliseum via helicopter, then exchanging ideas with foreman Jeff Stroud. “I expect you to work around a little of this shit,” Jones tells him. “You’re like Bill Parcells, Jr. In my ass every time I walk up.”

2. It’s official: Roy Williams’ role will be scaled back. Vice president Stephen Jones confirmed the news in his office, punctuating the fact that cornerback Anthony Henry will take Williams’ spot in dime packages with “I think Roy knows … what’s best.”

1. During a shoulder pads-and-shorts practice at Valley Ranch, offensive linemen address third-year linebacker/bust Bobby Carpenter as “Barbie Carpenter” and a “punk ass bitch.” The most damning labels, however, come from coaches and management. Carpenter has been better in this year’s training camp, but it’s confounding how a football player really doesn't like football. Defensive coordinator Brian Stewart: “I was hoping he’d be more physical, especially at the point of attack. But he wasn’t.” Linebackers coach Reggie Herring: “If he buys into the physical aspect of the game …” And, finally, owner Jerry Jones: “He’s a finesse guy.” Ouch. -- Richie Whitt

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