We're watching Bravo's Most Eligible Dallas every week so you don't have to. The fourth episode finds formerly minor characters becoming thunder thieves. Read on.
Scene 1: Courtney and Tara meet for lunch at Toulouse. After a brief table-etiquette lesson from Court (FORK is on LEFT because both words have four letters), they discuss Tara's Episode 3 date. She's still reeling over his awful asparagus pee comment. Courtney's half-appalled. Now, if she'd heard about the DTF comment, she would have melted into a pile of hair and costume jewelry.
Scene 2: Tara gets her make-up done at home before her big Paws in the City event. It's going to be a "'60s-slash-'70s theme party," her voiceover says. Hmm, maybe she should narrow it down to one iconic decade.
Scene 3: Charity Event of Slight Doom OK, turns out the Paws in the City party is only '70s-inspired, which is still obviously open to a wide array of costume interpretations. Tara smartly chooses a floral dress, Glenn rocks a curly wig, Matt-n-Courtney do a Sonny-n-Cher sparkly combo (but they're NOT together, OK?), Drew and his "ex," Cody, come bedecked in their best white T-shirts (so '70s!). Courtney gives Cody the third-degree about his past with Drew. Jody Dean pops up as Pancho Villa (or as an employee at Pancho's; raise the flag). Pancho and Tara decide, out of nowhere, that they should date each other exclusively.
"It happened again," Tara says in cutaway. "I'm in another exclusive relationship." Later, Tara's ex-fiance John shows up in giant fake sideburns. John and Jody give off similar old-creeper vibes, immediately clash. Courtney in cutaway: "Tara is one of my best friends, but I'm not gonna lie. I'm not digging the men ... in the life." When Tara tells Courtney that she and Jody are now "BF-GF," C-dawg says, without blinking, "OK, well, cheers to Jody, but not cheers to the soul patch." Tara: "We're gonna get rid of that." Courtney: "Can I give you a timeline? Like, how to lose a soul patch in 10 days?" Tee!
Scene 4: Cast lunch at Gloria's! Matt and Glenn both become giant human erections when Neill shows up looking "like a young, beautiful Stevie Nicks." Glenn makes a comment about Neill's beautiful blond hair, and Courtney "literally" touches her own brown-ish locks and winces. Neill, always the voice of reason, reveals in cutaway, "I'm still getting to know everyone but, so far, Glenn's my favorite." Fore(play)shadowing!
Drew invites the cast to the annual DIFFA (Design Industry Foundation Fighting AIDS) charity event, where he'll be honored as a Style Council member. Side character Daylon, also present, will also be modeling in the fashion-show portion of DIFFA, which makes Courtney happy because he's "my best gay." While all this is going on, Glenn's friend Landon eats chips and gestures, cementing his status as a glorified extra.
Scene 5: Double Dates and Tantalizing Tarot 5a: While Neil's voiceover expounds on the hard-fun nature of going out as a single mom, she and her friend, Bree, await a couple of gents at Lemon Bar. Who are the lucky guys? Well, Neill's hoping our resident hornball, Glenn, will make sparks with Bree, and he's bringing his punting prodigy, Brett, to complete the org-, uh, double date.
5b: Courtney arrives at Tara's place for an adult slumber party. There's Daylon! THERE'S GREGG ASHER, IN A CREAM BLOUSE-DRESS AND SPARKLE JACKET! You remember Gregg's cuuuntry-accent and hideous outfit from Episode 1. Tara's invited a tarot-card reader to come by and entertain. Tarot boy asks Gregg if he's a card virgin. "Kinduh. Sortuh. I don't know if we'd go that fawr in THIS room." We want to be at this party. The gals and gays laugh and sip as Tarot Boy attempts to clear the apartment of negative energy. Good luck with that.
5c: Glenn and Bree hit it off famously, dancing hard at Lemon Bar. Brett says weird, incoherent things to Neill at the table. She calls him sweetheart, condescendingly.
5d: Tarot reading time! The cards reveal all ... or whatever the reader has just learned by watching the show dailies. Daylon has some sort of secret keeping him up at night (could it be that his show-character is about to become more significant? Hm?). Courtney has some mental issues that keep her from committing to something real ("Tell me something I don't know!" she bellows.) Tarot Boy tells Tara that she has a fear of opening up sexually.
Courtney: "So, does she need Jody right now?" Tarot Boy: "I don't see a man around you right now." Suddenly, Tara's voice-over doesn't put much stake in tarot. "If people are so psychic, then why don't they predict the lottery numbers?" Bad reading = sudden skepticism.
5e: Back at Glenn's bachelor-toy-filled bone pad, things simultaneously heat up and cool down. G-man takes Bree to the roof, which is code for "intimate time." Neill, on the other hand, is stuck on the couch with Brett. Neill: "[Yawns.] I'm so sleepy. I had such a long week." Brett: "I know, I've been searching for this BMX bike for a while now. Can you believe that?" Neill: "[uncomfortable laughter]." Glenn makes out with Bree on the rooftop. He's fun, AND he's hard. Soon after, Neill happily crushes dreams and puts a kibosh on the evening. She's probably wishing she'd just taken in some Thomas vids with her li'l heartbreaker, Maje.
Scene 6: Drew brings Cody to the family mansion, where his cute sister, kind father and teenage stepmother are hosting brunch. Drew asks stepmother, light-heartedly, if she "slaved over a hot telephone." Apparently she's a bit excessive with the wealthy lifestyle. And Drew's not like that, at all. Brunchtime shenanigans commence, and then Drew takes Cody on a tour of the backyard, which features playground equipment that's better constructed than our apartment building.
Scene 7: Matt brings his mother, father, grandmother and Courtney to Arcodoro & Pomodoro for dinner. Everyone subtly gangs up on Matt for being such a player in his romantic life. Matt's mom encourages Courtney to remain a hopeless romantic, and then suggests that the two non-lovers agree to be each other's long-term backups. Although both outwardly reject such a notion, Court beams from head to toe at the thought. Baby steps.
Scene 8: One of those between-commercial Bravo quick-take scenes. Tara and Courtney go to Great Southwest Gun Shooting & Archery to do some shooting. Courtney's got decent aim. "All I need to do is picture an ex-boyfriend's face on the target."
Scene 9: Dudes, Dresses and Disses at DIFFA 9a: Drew smokes cigarettes, freaks out at home over having to walk the stage at the big event. He's still got some lingering insecurities from his fatter days.
9b: Tara's house. She and Courtney get dressed. Tara's in a tight green number. Court's dress is personally delivered by her best friend/future fashion icon Amber Venz. It's basically a backless, high-thread-count curtain held down by vintage Chanel jewelry. Courtney spins and postures like the belle of the ball, despite the persistent threat of a serious crack attack.
9c: Matt works out, shirtless, and then calls his mother for wardrobe advice. He's going to the event with Neill, who wears "loud colors." So he'll do all black. The only thing missing from his getup is a cheap corsage in a clear container.
9d: Drew presses the Ferrari buddon at his luxury loft, and he and Code-man are off to DIFFA, where they meet up with his family outside the event.
9e: It's on, bitches. Loud-color Neill is wearing a fringe-y but tasteful white dress. Somewhere off camera, Amber Venz yawns. The cast settles in for the event. Courtney talks mild shit about Neill whenever she leaves the table. Standard stuff. Drew walks the runway in an endearing but awkward fashion. "I think I blossomed a little that night," Drew says in cutaway. Can't wait for the full bloom.
Despite Drew's blossoming, Courtney ignores him and only talks to/looks at Daylon. "Daylon's my gubby. ... My gay hubby." Yeah Court, we got it. After the high-fashion show thrills them all, Court's sly bitchiness towards Drew continues. He's clearly annoyed. "She's more interested in fashion than ... the cause," Drew says. "I believe Courtney is vain." Shocking opinion! Over on the dance floor, Neill and Glenn bust moves like budding lovers. Matt searches everywhere for Neill. We begin to feel sorry for him, until we remember every other scene he's been in.
9f: Matt continues to search for Neill after the commercial break. Neill tells Glenn she loves him. "It's fun to flirt with Glenn because he's just a fun guy." Yeesh, Neill, you are a serious songwriter; get a new word! Back to the Drew-Courtney saga. As Courtney deliberately pays attention to Daylon (who at this point is not just a side character, but a sticking point), Drew walks up and proceeds to tear her a new one. "Why you don't you get a chance to fucking know me?" he asks, angrily. Courtney is shocked. So much drama that it couldn't all fit in one episode. To be continued next week.
For now, here's a glimpse of Daylon on the catwalk at the April event (h/t Oh So Cynthia):
