Of all the seven deadly sins, if you subscribe to that sort of thing, gluttony is probably the most enjoyable. Although, Netflix and slothiness do pair quite well, especially during a holiday. But gluttony, man, that's good times. We've pretty much mastered the craft of shameless gluttony here in the ol' US of A, as evidenced by things like KFC's Double Down and Adam Richman's career. The tail end of November is no exception. Thanksgiving is a time to, you guessed it, give thanks for all which has been bestowed upon a our large faces (and then beat the shit out of each other the next day over a talking Elmo doll).
Part of the foodaissance culture that has swept this country is the insane creations that tend to pop up on the Internet and challenge people to throw caution to the wind and start shoving food inside of other food and shove the entire mess into the oven and then slam your face into it when the timer goes DING! Here are our five favorite ridiculously senseless Thanksgiving Day culinary creations:
1. The Turbacon Epic
Chances are you've encountered a video or 12 by the
attention whores over at Epic Meal Time. They love bacon, they love fast food and they love making elaborate videos of their gluttonous concoctions. The Turbacon Epic, which sounds like a song by Black Label Society, is basically a turducken that your cousin who drinks a lot of Jack Daniels and hangs out with people named Brody decided to reinvent because it wasn't epic enough. The kind people over atThe Globe and Mail have broken down the process
for you in case you don't want to watch the video. Which you shouldn't. Because it's NSFW on account of all the sex noises you'll make in your cubicle. The Turbacon Epic is as follows:
It starts off with a deboned quail wrapped in a Cornish game hen, and a meat glue composed of bacon and veal-pork sausage. That goes inside a chicken with bacon-croissant stuffing, and it's all wrapped in "bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips" (you get the idea), which is then wrapped inside a boneless duck within a boneless turkey. Next, the entire mass is all rolled together, wrapped again in bacon, then sewed within a pig, packed with more bacon-croissant stuffing. Finally, it's put into a smoker and glazed with Dr Pepper and butter, and covered with -- you guessed it -- more bacon.
2. Turducken Ridiculous
We blessed you with this Aussie creation last year and think it's just crazy enough to dredge up again, because anything with wallaby in it is insane enough to discuss a second time. I helped catch a wallaby once. They do not want to cuddle.
3. The Cherpumple
It's probably time to slow your meat sweats. The Cherpumple comes from Charles Phoenix as an answer to your harem of Thanksgiving guests who want just a little smidgen of everything when it comes to Turkey Day desserts. So instead of serving a smattering of options, you can just thrice shove pie into cake and cover it in cream cheese frosting and call it a day. Thanksgiving Day. The Cherpumple is a cherry pie inside of white cake on top of an apple pie inside of a yellow cake on top of a pumpkin pie baked inside of spice cake. I'd hit it.
4. Danksgiving Day Sandwich
This Thanksgiving sandwich isn't exactly a Frankenstonian creation, but it's just silly enough to work. American Euros, a sandwich joint in Milwaukee, has created a deep-fried turkey sandwich topped with all the standard sides and placed carefully betwixt a stuffing-flavored bun. Whatever floats your boat, Milwaukee. Your sandwich-filled gut may sink that boat, though.
5. The Moist Maker
Speaking of sandwiches, if you were alive and had a television between 1994 and 2004, you know of Friends. And if you know of Friends, surely you remember the episode with Ross' sandwich that ended up in the trash. The sandwich with the "moist maker," the gravy-soaked piece of bread that turned a typical post-Thanksgiving sandwich into a rage-inducing miracle over which losing your job is perfectly understandable. The recipe slingers over at Spoon Fork Bacon brought the Friends sandwich to life and it looks like everything I've ever wanted on the afternoon of Black Friday when I'm inexplicably hungry AGAIN.
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